Trapped As A Mary Sue II
by o0-Key-0o
Summary: May the butchering of the canon continue, in 'The Two Towers.' The faceless evil now has a name, and her plot is only becoming more twisted. New: Chapter 5! No, seriously! After 6 years!
1. A Glimpse of the Evil

Disclaimer: For those of you just now joining us, I still do not own anything that is recognizably Tolkien. (i.e., anything normal. The psychotic, schizophrenic character known as Katie is mine, as is the whacked-out raccoon and the clueless guy known as Brian.) Nor will I ever own them. My own pathetic attempt at genius comes nowhere close to the grand master of lore, J.R.R. himself.  
  
Author's Note: Hear ye, hear ye! (Yes, I have always wanted to say that.) Congratulations and much heartfelt thanks to those of you who have endured the insanity, craziness, and unspeakable horrors throughout Meriweather's version of "The Fellowship of the Ring." You have all earned my respect for showing your talent in keeping up with all the confusing rules that belong to the Sue, and the madness will shortly continue. But before we all witness and mourn together the blatant butchering and maiming of "The Two Towers," I have some announcements. (Don't I feel important?)  
  
Announcement #1: The reviews and dedication have henceforth been moved to the end of the fic, as I have received several suggestions to do it and personally prefer the style myself. I would have done it sooner, but I am a mysterious creature steeped in tradition, and once I started it that way in the beginning, I just couldn't stop. Anyway . . .  
  
Announcement #2: I have a large collection of barf bags, tissues, blunt and sharp objects, and rocks of all sizes available at your disposals, so feel free to use any and all at will in this and future chapters.  
  
Announcement #3: I do listen to and treasure all suggestions and criticisms, including more demands for Meriweather. Thus in this fic I shall be adding a few more different perspectives as we go along. I hope that you find them interesting and worthwhile. And please, if you don't like something, say so! I will also answer your questions too, so don't hesitate to ask even the silliest question, because I guarantee that it will help me understand where I am losing people.  
  
Announcement #4: Well, I didn't want these things to take forever, but they've already started to, so I'm going to shut up now and get on with what I want to write, and what I'm sure you want to read . . .  
  
TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE II  
  
Chapter One  
  
{Previews, previews, and *more previews*! Get on with the movie, already!} She sat in the darkened theater, drumming her fingers on the plastic armrest impatiently. Her best friend Sarah sat to one side, while Audrey, her other best friend, sat on the other. Both were downing the popcorn they had bought like there was no tomorrow.  
  
Kathy sighed again, somewhat melodramatically as yet another advertisement flashed across the big screen. She was still mad at Brad, her boyfriend. He hadn't appreciated her thought of him in her great fanfiction. And he kept going off on some tangent about orange being his favorite color anyway. Why couldn't she have made him Temnaur the Orange?  
  
Kathy wrinkled her nose at the very thought. Didn't he know that orange would clash with her character's outfit? Not to mention her violet eyes. Orange and violet definitely did *not* go together.  
  
Sarah leaned over to Kathy and asked in a noisy whisper, "So are you gonna take notes on the movie or what? For your story, I mean." She licked fake butter off her fingers.  
  
Kathy snorted, then tried to cover the indelicate sound by coughing. "Don't be stupid. I can remember everything perfectly without acting like a nerd. Everybody positively *loves* my story as it is anyway. I've got, like, thirty-four reviews! That's a lot, trust me. Most people's stories only get, like, two and a half."  
  
"What did they think of Brad?" Audrey asked, now attuned to the conversation. "He's gotta be great, knowing how you write."  
  
"You put Brad in?" Sarah squealed, letting out a laugh like a ground squirrel being run over. "That is so totally awesome! Hey, can we be in it too?"  
  
Kathy glanced at Sarah, contemplating the idea. "Well, depends. Are you an Aragorn Admirer too?"  
  
Sarah made a disgusted face. "Yeah, as if! Too dirty. I'm a Frodo Fan, that's me! Gimme Frodo any day."  
  
"What, you don't want Meriweather to have any competition?" Audrey teased. Kathy glared at her friend, and she laughed. "Just kidding. I'm a Legolas Lover, no mistake. You're safe, trust me." She went back to munching on her popcorn as a preview for "Bruce Almighty" went by.  
  
"So are you gonna do it? Pwease?" Sarah begged, giving Kathy puppy-dog eyes in the semidarkness.  
  
Kathy thought about it some more. She'd been losing reviewer interest for awhile. They were starting to make idiotic comments like "ur repeating urself" and "ur a horendous m.s. i hope u dye" and other such nonsense. Kathy didn't even know what a "m.s." was, but she didn't care. Her story was entertaining her, and that was all she cared about. It wasn't hurting anybody to write it. Well, maybe her computer, as it sometimes seemed to freeze up and have fits at some points. The biggest aggravation was when it had went down right in the middle of the mountain scene-thing. And when she had got it back up again, it had mysteriously jumped right to Moria. Stupid computer.  
  
Kathy was suddenly jarred from her thoughts by two pointy elbows catching her in either side. "It's starting, it's starting!" Sarah and Audrey screeched softly in unison.  
  
As the first image containing great snow-covered mountains appeared, she leaned to either side of her and whispered, "Okay, you guys are in. You can be in my story." After all, Kathy told herself, it couldn't hurt anything, and it might add more interest to the fic. Smiling satisfactorily to herself, she settled back into her seat to absorb the great thing that was "The Lord of the Rings."  
  
~*~  
  
"Hold her . . . !"  
  
"I am having enough trouble with him, Aragorn," Gimli's voice snarled. "Do not move, stranger, or I will make sure your head parts company with your body."  
  
A red-hot poker seemed to be sticking Katie in the side as consciousness reluctantly returned. Her eyes snapped open and she tried to scream, only to discover that she was holding her breath and thus managed only a gasping croak. There was somebody in a green tunic above her blocking her vision, and their firm hands were pressing her upper arms securely to the ground.  
  
"Aragorn, she wakes," Legolas, owner of the green tunic announced calmly, as if he held wounded people down in the middle of Uruk-Hai covered clearings every day.  
  
"Do not let her move," the man said distractedly as he mixed a concoction of herbs together and ruthlessly purged the wound. Katie drew back at the pain and tried to twist to the side, her voice still refusing to come to her, though she had more than a few choice words to say to Aragorn. A weight had settled on her legs, however, and any movement seemed impossible.  
  
"Katie?" A familiar voice demanded. "Katie, are you okay?"  
  
Brian. He was back. Her little session with Meriweather and her subsequent triumph had restored him to Middle-earth.  
  
{Well, of course it did. Meriweather's the main character, after all. She controls everything, since she's the author's main point of concentration. Therefore you command Brian's coming and going to Middle-earth. Neat, huh?} Her voice sounded rather proud of itself.  
  
{That wasn't precisely the word I was going to use.} Katie tried again to force air into her lungs, and as the herbs Aragorn used dulled the agony, she ground out to Brian, "So to speak. I'm kinda wishing for a gigantic shot of morphine."  
  
"Sit her up." Aragorn's command interrupted the conversation. Legolas eased his grip and assisted Katie in attaining a somewhat upright position as the man wrapped a bandage tightly around her midsection. Katie saw that it was Gimli who was holding her legs down, simply by sitting on them, while keeping Brian at axe-point. Brian looked as if he had been snatched from the middle of duty, dressed in his Navy uniform, his white sailor hat slightly askew on his head. She offered him a small smile, and he relaxed almost imperceptibly.  
  
"Drink this," Aragorn said, handing Katie a small skin. She eyed it suspiciously, remembering the last time he had offered her something to drink. Had it truly been all the way back in Lothlórien? It seemed like such a small time had passed. Aragorn's gaze was grim, and Katie detected no trace of merriment. Indeed, the world seemed devoid of any happiness at the moment. She downed the contents of the skin obediently, managing not to spew the foul draught anywhere.  
  
"Now we must tend the fallen," Legolas said, rising to his feet. His eyes flickered to the body of Boromir. "We cannot leave him lying like carrion among these foul Orcs."  
  
Aragorn nodded to Gimli, who grudgingly got up and lowered his axe. "But we must be swift, if there is hope that any of our Company are living prisoners." He cocked a leery eye at the strangely-clad young man before him. "You are Temnaur?"  
  
Brian straightened. "I'm Brian. Katie's . . ."  
  
"Suitor," Katie put in as he fished for a Middle-earth equivalent word to 'boyfriend.' "But you're correct: he was Temnaur. Now he is free, just as I am." She fell silent, struggling slowly to a standing position, eyeing the carnage with the manner of a person who has survived something they had not expected to.  
  
Aragorn and Legolas had moved off together, discussing possibilities of how to dispose of Boromir's body in a manner that would befit a man of Gondor. "We will send him to the Falls of Rauros and give him to Anduin. The River of Gondor will take care at least that no evil creature dishonors his bones," Aragorn said at last.  
  
The three remaining Fellowship members set about gathering the weapons of the orcs together, that they might be added to the boat bearing their comrade's body. Aragorn discovered the swords of Merry and Pippin, resolving to all who would hear that he would return them if the hobbits still lived. Katie and Brian watched them from aside, feeling that they had no right to intrude upon the story as it unfolded before them.  
  
It was only when Aragorn called for Brian to help bear Boromir's bier that either of them moved. The king of Gondor remained standing alone as Legolas and Gimli fetched the boats of Lórien at Parth Galen, reporting that the third was gone, confirming Katie's statement that Frodo and Sam had indeed departed.  
  
Sorrow hung heavy in the air and it was with quiet ceremony and honor that the funeral boat was prepared. Katie and Brian watched from the shore as the three drew it into open water, casting it free at last. Mist rose from the swelling water, reaching for the peaceful figure of Boromir as the boat faded into the distance.  
  
Two tears slipped hesitantly down the girl's face as she watched, but Katie couldn't bring herself to say goodbye. Brian silently put an arm around her shoulders, and as he did, strains of a song floated to them. Aragorn and Legolas sang for Boromir, a haunting yet strong melody. The notes faded on the winds as the boat slowly returned to where the two strangers were standing, awaiting direction.  
  
"Why has he been brought here?" Aragorn asked without preamble, addressing his question to Katie.  
  
"Because the evil that controls us wills it," she replied evenly. "He's another captive, just like me. He--"  
  
"I can speak for myself," Brian interrupted. "Katie's been missing for two weeks in our world, Aragorn. And now I know where she is, but not why. It can't be anything you guys have done, but I'm looking for answers."  
  
"We cannot give you what we ourselves do not possess," Legolas pointed out softly. "It is Katie alone who knows these things."  
  
"I'll explain it all later," Katie said to Brian softly. "And then you can tell me what's been going on. Right now, Aragorn needs to decide what to do." The firmness in her tone caused the man in question to glance in her direction.  
  
"My decision will be given when we reach Parth Galen. Legolas and I will travel there on foot, while you two accompany Gimli in the boat." Aragorn looked one last time over the gray swells of the Anduin, before turning his back and resolutely starting forward. "We cannot waste time, quickly!"  
  
Katie and Brian followed the dwarf to the single remaining boat, shoving off and making good time easily. There was no conversation as Brian and Gimli paddled their way to where Aragorn and Legolas were already waiting.  
  
"Well, so much at least is now clear," the elf was saying. "Frodo is no longer on this side of the River: only he can have taken the boat. And Sam is with him; only he would have taken his pack."  
  
Brian leaped out into the shallows, dragging the boat ashore. Katie splashed through the water, leaving Gimli to bring up the rear.  
  
"Our choice then," said Gimli as he waded up, "is either to take the remaining boat and follow Frodo, or else to follow the Orcs on foot. There is little hope either way. We have already lost precious hours."  
  
"We will not all fit in the boat, Master Dwarf," Katie pointed out, gaze flitting to Aragorn's pensive face. Legolas too was regarding their leader, fingers resting lightly on his bow.  
  
"I will follow the Orcs," he said at last. "I would have guided Frodo to Mordor and gone with him to the end; but if I seek him now in the wilderness, I must abandon the captives to torment and death. My heart speaks clearly at last: the fate of the Bearer is in my hands no longer. The Company has played its part. Yet we that remain cannot forsake our companions while we have strength left. Come! We will go now. Leave all that can be spared behind! We will press on by day and dark!"  
  
Brian moved closer to Katie as the three members of the Fellowship fell to casting off all that could be left and concealing it beneath the remaining boat. "You haven't seen "The Two Towers" yet." It was obviously not a question, but Katie took it as such.  
  
"Well, no duh," she hissed in a whisper. "I haven't exactly been home or anywhere near reality for a good month, give or take plotholes. Why?"  
  
He shrugged. "I hope you're a good runner, that's all. Unless you can find horses, we're going to end up running all the way to Rohan." Brian tucked his white hat into his belt, rolled his shoulders as if to loosen them up, and took a few deep breaths.  
  
Katie shot a covert glance at Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, before performing her own set of stretches, thankful that the elves of Lothlórien had provided her with sturdy boots. This was sure going to be interesting.  
  
Aragorn approached. "If you feel you can run no more because of your wound, say as much." Katie nodded stiffly, resisting the urge to make a snide remark. Something along the lines of, 'what if I just feel like I can run no more, period?' came to mind, but she squelched the thought.  
  
Retracing Aragorn and Legolas' path, the man sought to pick up the Orcs' trail, which needed little skill to find.  
  
"No other folk make such a trampling," said Legolas. "It seems their delight to slash and beat down growing things that are not even in their way." Indeed, the wide swath that the horde had cut through the lush greenery could have fit an entire host of the creatures, or so it seemed.  
  
"But they go with a great speed for all that," said Aragorn, "and they do not tire. And later we may have to search for our path in hard bare lands."  
  
"We have great faith in you," Katie put in, staving off anything Brian might have said that would have potentially given away the plot. She elbowed him sharply in the ribs, and he jerked back, face hardening resentfully.  
  
"Well, after them!" cried Gimli, whose manner embodied impatience. "Dwarves too can go swiftly, and they do not tire sooner than Orcs. But it will be a long chase: they have a long start."  
  
"Yes," agreed Aragorn, "we shall all need the endurance of Dwarves. But come! With hope or without hope we will follow the trail of our enemies. And woe to them, if we prove the swifter! We will make such a chase as shall be accounted a marvel among the Three Kindreds: Elves, Dwarves, and Men. Forth the Hunters!"  
  
"Nice speech, really got my blood pumping," Katie muttered out of the corner of her mouth to Brian. Aragorn bounded away, almost like a deer.  
  
"Save your breath," Brian advised as they hurried to follow. They couldn't afford to get lost, though their leader was swift and tireless, and his pace strenuous.  
  
{C'mon girl, I know you've got the strength in you somewhere,} her voice encouraged. {Just picture Glorfindel in front of you, calling. That should work.}  
  
{I'm already about ready to have hallucinations, thanks very much,} Katie retorted, glad that in her mind she had enough energy to form coherent thoughts. {Like I need an additional one distracting me. I can just hear myself chanting his name now.}  
  
The woods had long since vanished around them, though none of the five had turned back to look at their progress. All their focus was forward as they pressed onward, strides eating up the land. At one point Brian stepped in an animal hole, and Katie misjudged the distance necessary to leap over a log and landed smack on her front (which did nothing for her dagger wound) but neither were willing to give up.  
  
The sun toiled slowly across the sky as the land began to slope upward, the peaks dark and hard-edged against the rapidly rosying sky. Air was quickly becoming something to be valued, as the two strangers to Middle-earth were not conditioned to such running. Brian, having endured harsh Navy training, was much better suited to the activity than his girlfriend. He watched her gravely as she struggled on, unwilling to stop, her face frozen in fierce concentration.  
  
Dusk came, and soon they were all grey shadows passing swiftly through a stony land. Distantly, mist rose in the faraway woods where they had first begun, and the fitful moonlight danced upon the shrinking silver ribbon of the Anduin. The sky darkened and stars began to peek out from behind the folds of night. The trail began to get harder to follow in the twilight, and the pace slowed, much to Katie's relief. She did not know where the strength to keep on had come from, but it had to have been no less than Eru Himself.  
  
The land around them had turned rocky, almost bony as ridges like spines protruded from the rolling ground. They mounted one ridge, descended into a valley, and then rested for a brief pause. Katie wasted no time in throwing herself to the ground, breath still coming in panting gasps.  
  
{If only my gym teacher could see me now,} she thought to herself, trying to get her heart rate back down and lung capacity to normal.  
  
"You going to make it?" Brian asked quietly as Aragorn and Legolas discussed their course. He handed her a waterskin and she drank thirstily but sparingly.  
  
"As long as Meriweather doesn't go poking more holes in me, yeah," she muttered. "What happened? How did you get here?"  
  
He regarded her in the near-darkness, as the moon had set some time ago. "I don't know. I was on duty around midnight on base and then suddenly I was here. Well, not here, here. Stuck inside some idiot's head who thought he was a wizard. It was so wrong on so many levels, to put it one way. And I couldn't do anything, I just had to sit there and watch as he took control of my body. It's . . . I don't know, screwed up. You'd better have a darn good explanation for me, that's all I can say."  
  
Katie's leg muscles had begun to stiffen, and she began kneading them with her fingers. "Well, have I got a doozy of a story to tell you when I get the chance." She would have continued, but the lack of other conversation around them stopped her.  
  
Gimli cleared his throat conspicuously. "We will search northwards, Aragorn has decided."  
  
Getting up somewhat wearily, they set out again.  
  
~*~  
  
"Oh my word, that was, like, so cool!" Audrey exclaimed as the three girls exited the theater. "You wanna go see it again tomorrow? For your story, I mean," she added as Kathy glanced at her.  
  
"Nah," Kathy shrugged. "I've got a good memory, no worries! I just gotta figure out where I'm going to put you two."  
  
Sarah sighed happily. "Well, as long as I'm with Frodo to make him smile and feel better, I don't care how you do it. You could have him rescue me from Fara-whoever or some orcs or something. Just as long as it's exciting!"  
  
Kathy chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Well, I don't want the number of the Fellowship to be more than ten. And if *Gandalf*" she spat, "hadn't come back, then my plan would have worked. I mean, it's no problem for Audrey to fill Boromir's spot, but somebody else has gotta go."  
  
"Hmm . . ." Sarah pondered the problem. "Well, those two other little hobbit guys, Pippin and . . . Murray? They can't be *all* that important, except for maybe the Ent thing. Just have the Uruky people kill one of 'em, and you're all set!" She grinned, proud of herself.  
  
"Yeah . . . that's it! I mean, neither of them serve a real purpose, so I guess it's okay. And I've got the perfect place for you to come in, Audrey, just you wait . . ." Kathy giggled to herself and hoped that Audrey liked raccoons. She flexed her fingers, just itching to get them on her computer keyboard when she got home. Oh yes, great things were going to happen, if Kathy had anything to say about it.  
  
[Tolkien, J.R.R. The Lord of the Rings. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1954. Pages 405-411.]  
  
[Author's Note: I'm dreadfully sorry for the confusion about the use of the term "Marty Sam" versus "Marty Stu." You must understand that I first heard it referred to as "Marty Sam" and so I apologize for my reflexive use of it. Please consider it a bit of artistic license and don't kill me!]  
  
To Azi Took, my resident insane Hobbit lass: Hee hee, you've stuck with it a long time, and for that I'm very grateful. Your reviews always make me smile, and anybody who can survive the long haul with this fanfic and still find things to review about in every chapter has my respect. So, in return for your faithful reviews, funny comments, and encouragement, I hope you'll accept this chapter. And hurray for insanity, it's a writer's best friend!  
  
Now that that's out of my system . . . it's thank you time!  
  
Fly Without Wings: I know, I just couldn't resist such a great machine to work torture with.  
  
Laura: I'm happy you're still with me, and if it ever gets too confusing, flame me or something. I don't ever want my readers lost! Hee hee, on a sidenote, thanks!  
  
Rabia: Ah, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to get back to you sooner about the haiku. I positively *loved* it! I saved it and everything. (Nobody ever dedicates things like that to me, I was so honored, you have no idea!) Thank you for giving me that great piece of originality, I will treasure it like you wouldn't believe. I know the end was sudden, but at that time, I wasn't quite sure if I was going to keep going with the chapters or start another fic. You obviously see what won out, LOL. And your list of highlights . . . ah, it was great to relive some of those moments. You liked the raccoon? He he, good, because Kathy's got plans for that raccoon . . . I can say no more here, but readers beware!  
  
Crimson Starlight: Y'know, I thought about what it would do to Sauron, but then I had to wonder if he actually had a body under all that armor with which to suck the life from? An interesting puzzle, to be sure.  
  
Gate Keeper: Just make sure that he doesn't try and mind-meld with anything intelligent. It could have nasty results!  
  
Su-Su: I've gotten many reports of sibling-scaring because of my fic. I do it too, but when I try to explain it, it only gets worse! Yes, "The Two Towers" is ready to be butchered, m'lady. Would you care for a front row seat? About Haldir . . . I believe that the book shall prevail on that matter. He lives!  
  
Loz: Yes, I will continue to write this until such time as I am unable to or my computer crashes or . . . well, any extenuating circumstance I'm sure. If you tell me what was bad about it, then I will try to clear it up next time for you, and I apologize for any confusion I may have caused.  
  
Ushmushmeifa: Ah, the voice. That's actually under debate now. It's either a representation of Katie's higher brain function, or there's an outside force at work . . . but what is it? Your guess would be as good as mine at this point. Oh, and the Inigo Montoya line adaptation was great! He he, I loved it.  
  
Zula-chan: Genius is a strong word that applies to quantum theories and little old men with crazy hair, but I'm flattered just the same. I apologize about not getting back to your last email, but I think I will go ahead with the P.P.C. idea. You are a lifesaver!  
  
Lotrmatrixstarwarsfan: I'm thinking about forming a Brute Squad out of all my similarly enraged readers to go after her in the end, actually. I know I could get enough people together to go along with it. I haven't gotten to use Legolas, Gimli, and the hobbits as much as I would have liked to, Gimli particularly. I hope to get into them a little more now that they're broken up and will get more attention individually. Thanks for your suggestions!  
  
Fae: Ah, my darling dear hobbit chica. So you finally got your review, did you? LOL, you're shameless, m'dear. Thanks for the "School's Out" plug, since I'm way too shy to do it myself. I think I'm going to do another chapter for that tomorrow or the day after. Not sure yet. I think I might do some more pranks. Anyway, I promise I'll get the word out about "The Face" after you put up another chapter or two (reel 'em in, then keep running with it.) and maybe we can have a look at that nasssssty formatting, yesss . . .  
  
AerinBrown: I know I said thanks in my e-mail, but I can't help saying it again: THANK YOU for reading "School's Out." And thanks for your vote of confidence for the sequel!  
  
Heero Yuy: Actually, the machine means that you'll just die sooner. I think that's how it's supposed to work. The only human test subject died before any real results were achieved, so far as I understand it. Miracle Max did bring him back to life, but that's a rabbit trail we won't go into . . . and yes, Middle-earthlings beware, you're in for a scare of epic proportions!  
  
Lady Moon: A separate fic, though I hardly need to tell you (whoops). And no, it's not going to be good at all. Would you care for a blunt or sharp object with which to beat up something (or someone)?  
  
NightShade: It'd better not be, because I guarantee the Sue is going to incur a lot more torture along the way!  
  
Rin: Yes, a year, much to my dismay. But when life gets you around the throat and hauls you away from the keyboard, there's not much you can do about it, unfortunately. I hope to be a bit more faithful about this fanfic. I do admit it took me awhile to get all my ducks in a row with starting the sequel, but that's just how it had to be. I will NOT give up, however. I'm going to finish this, I promise.  
  
Zurizip: Yep, that about says it all. In a lot nicer terms than I would have used.  
  
Babyface: I actually did read that in The Hidden Archives. Ah, poor Legolas, to be made to suffer so. Okay, enough with the poetics. I love CNell's and Bryn's work, and generally Mary Sue bashing in general. If you know of any more good reads, let me know!  
  
Dazzle: Well . . . it's only twenty-two days later, is that soon enough? Probably not, I'd know I'd kill me for not updating sooner, so I'll understand if you hunt me down.  
  
Kyae: I think some family members just don't understand our strange reading obsessions. I attempted to explain a Glorfindel reference the other day, and it just wasn't working . . . and when all else fails, blackmail 'em!  
  
Katakanadian: Yes, I am now very embarrassed to read the introduction to the first chapter, but I also am too lazy to take it down and fix it . . . oh well.  
  
DeeSarrachi: You're not the only one who's mad at her. I write about her and I get upset sometimes. (And my parents wonder why I talk to myself in angry voices . . .) Oh yeah, and it's a deal!  
  
Europa: Wow, a raccoon the size of a dog. That would be pretty impressive. We were thinking about making the animal a beaver or something, but decided on raccoon just because some stupid person *cough*Meriweather*cough* thinks they're cuddly. At least it wasn't a unicorn or some really far-out creature.  
  
Raphael the Andromeda: LOL, if you're still with me at this point, kudos, and I have a Perseverance Award for you!  
  
Earendil: Oh dear, my head is inflating once again at your review. May I suggest some other great fics to you that I'm sure will take the place of mine in the 'Best LOTR fic' category? Maybe that'll help deflate my head . . . but all the same, I will continue, and thank you for your continued support.  
  
Turelie: It is very possible that I could be mistaken about the Watcher. I've heard similar mythical creatures referred to as 'krakens,' so that's where I got it from. And please, feel free to utilize any and all insults you wish. They're just words, and I don't own them (I wonder if it's possible to own a word?)  
  
Wellduh: Yes, O Great Taskmaster, I is going!  
  
Kaitourei: Inspiration is a good thing, and a massive compliment (aside from the fact that you just sat down and read the *whole* thing . . .).  
  
Starbrat: Don't we all wish she was dead? But oh no, death is too good for *her*. . .  
  
Shiggity-shiggity: I don't remember ever giving Meri-Sue an age, but judging from typical Sueness, anywhere between eighteen to twenty-five. The machine doesn't mean you look older, it means you die sooner. Hope that helps, sorry for the confusion.  
  
Chelsea: Wow, suggestions! I regret that I can't fulfill all of them immediately, due to where the story is at this point in time, but I promise more Meriweather is in the works.  
  
C.L. Rhodes: Maybe a better question would be, what *won't* she screw up? I think she's got plans for Edoras, personally. At the very least, Helm's Deep will be, erm, interesting . . . 


	2. The Search Continues

Disclaimer: snerk Riiiiiiiiight.........

Trapped As A Mary Sue II

Chapter Two

Onward, ever onward. Air burned in his lungs like a fire that could not be quenched and Brian's breath was so short that it barely existed. Darkness was deepening around him and the overshadowing cliff on their right did nothing to aid visibility as the five pursuers darted among the folds and gullies of the landscape. The trail was growing cold, he knew, and it was doubtful they would continue. He combed his memory for the precise events in the book, but in his over-exhausted state, Brian could not put things in order.

Legolas and Aragorn had pressed far ahead, their eyes keener and better adapted to the night. Gimli was attempting to do his share, but his own gaze was hampered, and Brian knew that, like he, the Dwarf would not see anything unless it jumped up from the ground and tripped him.

"Ah!" Brian twisted his body as a sizeable boulder knocked his leg out from under him, and he landed on his side, barely avoiding another rock with his head. He refrained from saying anything too colorful, and settled on, "Darn rock. I was there first," though logistically it didn't make any sense.

{Hang logistics, you're in one of the most illogical places ever created anyway,} a voice inside his head told him.

Brian blinked to himself as he regained his footing. He hadn't really just heard a voice in his head...had he?

"Brian?" Katie's question interrupted his thoughts. "You all right? I heard you trip."

"It was the rock's fault." It was hard to make out the expression on her face in the blackness around them, but he would've bet all he had that she was crossing her arms and giving him her 'fine-whatever-you-say-but-you're-still-crazy' look. "It got in my way!" he protested.

"Uh huh, right, sure it did..."

A shout from Legolas brought their conversation, such as it was, to a halt. "Come on," Brian said, not wasting a second. He grabbed his girlfriend's hand in his own as they navigated their way to where Aragorn and Gimli were gathered.

"We have already overtaken some of those that we are hunting," the elf said. "Look!" He pointed, and they saw that what they had at first taken to be boulders lying at the foot of the slope were huddled bodies. Five dead Orcs lay there. They had been hewn with many cruel strokes, and two had been beheaded. The ground was wet with their dark blood.

"Northern Orcs," Brian whispered to Katie. "They joined up with the Uruk-Hai in the second movie." Moments later, Aragorn confirmed his statement.

"You, Brian!" he said suddenly, turning to face the young man. "What did you call the great Orcs?"

Brian glanced at Katie, who was slowly shaking her head and mouthing, 'Don't say too much.' "They're called Uruk-Hai, the servants of Saruman."

Katie's face met her palm in the classic gesture of 'd'oh!'

"Then it is true; Saruman knows of our journey." Aragorn looked in an unseeing manner at the ground, his thoughts flowing fast. "But he knows not enough. He had hoped to capture the Ring, yet Frodo and Sam have eluded him." Determination kindled in his face as he glanced up at Brian, his gaze so intense that Brian straightened to near-attention. "These Uruk-Hai take Pippin and Merry to Isengard." He did not make it a question, but Brian nodded anyway. "Our task therefore becomes all the more urgent. We cannot let the hobbits reach his hands, when they have not the Ring. When the traitor Saruman discovers that, he will surely kill them."

"Then why do we wait?" Gimli demanded, glancing at the sky. "Dawn comes, let us resume the trail!"

No arguments arose from the hunters as they kept their northwards heading, although Katie's frequent glares in his direction were unsettling. A stream crossed their path as the first streaks of pink began to grace the horizon, and Aragorn paused. "At last! Here are the tracks that we seek! Up this waterchannel: this is the way that the Orcs went after their debate."

"You shouldn't have told him," Katie hissed under her breath as they veered aside onto the new path. "You can't interfere with the story like that; it could permanently screw something up!"

"Yeah, well from what I've seen, it's screwed up enough from this Meriweather already!" Brian muttered back heatedly. "Maybe we should help them out, since all she's been doing is messing with them."

"And maybe we should just leave well enough alone," she replied. "I don't like this any more than you do, even less because I've been stuck here so long, but I'm telling you, we can't just go off and reveal things! Look," Katie began, staving off his retort, "taking into account the fact that I've been here longer than you have, and I understand this whole thing better than you do, just do what I say, okay?"

When he didn't immediately reply, she elbowed him. "Okay?"

"Ow, fine, okay. Come on, let's catch up before they think we've gotten lost or tripped or done something really stupid." Brian resented Katie's control over the information she had, but they hadn't had time (or breath, as of late) to really talk anyway. But one thing he did know: the sooner they got through the book, the better. Call it a hunch, but he knew that instincts hardly ever failed.

The two teenagers at last crested the hill where the Three Hunters had paused. The sun had risen over Rohan and far-off Gondor while they had been arguing, but the view was still breath-taking. The wide green fields of Rohan sparkled like emeralds in the red sun's rays, and the water-vales glinted as diamonds. The purple and blue crags of the White Mountains were flushed with the rose of morning, and Aragorn was singing,

_O Gondor, Gondor! Shall Men behold the Silver Tree,_

_Or West Wind blow again between the Mountains and the Sea?_

Nobody missed the unmistakable longing in Aragorn's voice, even as he turned his eyes away from the South and said, "Now let us go!" He jumped lightly down the steep path, followed and soon outdistanced by Legolas. Gimli went quickly after them, his speed surprising.

Katie and Brian stood at the crest for a long moment and then they looked at each other.

"No words?" he finally asked.

"Nope. Not for this," Katie spread her arms at the view. "Ah, I'm just being pathetic, ignore me."

"Will do," Brian said, laughing when she smacked him playfully. "Let's go." Taking her hand in his once more, they started down the steep decline. By the time they caught up with the others, they were within spitting distance of the green plains of the Rohirrim, and the Orcs' trail wasn't hard to pick out. The Uruk-Hai, whether by lack of intelligence or lack of fear, had marked their path with cast-off objects: a cloak here, a shoe there.

The trail led them north, and at length they came to a deep cleft carved in the rock by a stream that splashed noisily down. In the narrow ravine a rough path descended like a steep stair into the plain. At the bottom, like an endless sea of grass, the plains of Rohan waited.

Legolas took a deep breath as they paused at the edge of the fields. "Ah, the green smell!" he said. "It is better than much sleep. Let us run!"

{I hate elves,} Brian grumbled to himself.

{Your girlfriend thinks they're hot.}

Brian literally jumped and turned around, looking for the source of the voice. Gimli was staring at him. He managed a weak wave in the Dwarf's direction. {Um...who are you?}

{Me? Moi? None of your business, you nosy Navy boy. Try saying that ten times fast. I've been helping Katie out with this mucky problem, and it seems you could use an explanation, am I correct?}

{Er...}

{Here, you just run and leave me to sort things out for you, all right? There's a good boy.}

Brian pulled himself back to reality as Aragorn led them single file across the flat land. He was the last in line, with Katie ahead of him, but was far too busy listening to this new personality in his head to pay any attention to anything else. Which was why...

{Look out!} the voice warned in one of those split-second-too-late ways.

"Yi!" Katie went down beneath him, followed by Legolas and Gimli who got caught in the domino-effect.

"Clumsy lad," Gimli muttered, disentangling himself from the elf's bow and cloak. "Did you not hear Aragorn call us to stay?"

"He has not the hearing of elves, Master Dwarf," Legolas put in, "and he was quite far behind when Aragorn shouted." He sprang lithely to his feet, inspecting his bow for nicks.

"What happened?" Aragorn had returned, something clenched in his hand.

"An accident," Brian muttered, sitting up. It was only then that he noticed Katie was not moving. And from what the voice had told him, that meant... "Katie?"

"No..." A chill wind knifed across the plain. Aragorn threw Brian out of his path. "No! This cannot happen again...it cannot!" His words were whispered, but with such intensity born of loathing that all heard him as he knelt by Katie.

"Pray she wakes, boy," Gimli said gruffly. "Or it is all our fates on the line." Several tense seconds passed as the four of them waited silently, gravely. Then:

"Yeeeeeek!"

"She's awake," Brian informed the Dwarf calmly. "And you might want to get Aragorn away from her."

"Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur, so help me if you are ever that close to my face again when I'm in the real Middle-earth, you'll find a few appendages missing from your body!" Katie yelled, scrabbling away from the Ranger and to her feet. A tense moment of silent glaring went by before Legolas dared to interrupt the contest of wills.

"Did you find anything, Aragorn?"

"Yes." The elf's question put an end to the stare-down. "A hobbit's footprints. Pippin's, I think. He is smaller than the other. And look at this!" He held up a thing that glittered in the sunlight. Even from where he stood, Brian knew immediately what it was, and Legolas and Gimli merely confirmed it:

"The brooch of an elven-cloak!"

"He's marked his trail, and told us he's alive," Katie mused quietly. "Smart hobbit."

"Let us hope he did not pay too dearly for his boldness," said Legolas. "Come, let us go on! The thought of those merry young folk driven like cattle burns my heart."

Gimli son of Glóin was not often given to anger over the topic of women, but ever since the council called at Rivendell, the Dwarf had not been himself. Of course, the entire thing was hardly his fault in the first place, but it angered him nonetheless. To think that a girl no different from Katie had begun this evilness, this madness that had taken them all was impossible! In addition to that, it was also improbable and very inconvenient. Nothing was of more importance than their quest, and even that had been torn asunder in three different directions. He found himself wondering if perhaps Meriweather had caused the breaking of the Fellowship.

Thrusting that thought aside, for now nothing could reverse the course of events as they were, Gimli focused his attention on sprinting, though the hunters had nothing to show for their progress but a still-empty plain that weighted his heart with a slowly-growing despair. His shadow stretched out long and far in front of him, nearly twice the height of the Dwarf. They had paused only twice that day for a brief rest, and Gimli had chafed at the delay, as he was loathe to admit that he needed rest.

Aragorn at last called them to halt, and the Dwarf half-braced himself, should the flaxen-haired lad, Brian, forget to stop running once more. Gimli estimated that their feet had covered no less than eleven or twelve leagues that day, but he knew that he could sustain scores more if it meant getting back Merry and Pippin. He did miss the hobbits and their odd habits, their unexpected cheerfulness in the face of despair. Smiling to himself, Gimli waited to hear Aragorn's words.

"We have come at last to a hard choice," he said. "Shall we rest by night, or shall we go on while our will and strength hold?"

Legolas spoke first, and at one time Gimli would have begrudged him for it, but much had changed since then. "Unless our enemies rest also, they will leave us far behind, if we stay to sleep." He seemed almost to bounce on his feet, as if ready to be off again like the wind if Aragorn gave the word.

However, Gimli had seen, or rather not seen, the obvious answer. "But if we walk by night, we cannot follow their trail." Granted, his eyes were not as keen as those of an elf, but he knew even Legolas would not be able to detect their path when the deepest folds of night swept over them.

"The trail is straight, and turns neither right nor left, as far as my eyes can see," the elf protested, glaring down at the Dwarf. It was not the superior glare of challenge that Gimli had learned to recognize in the earlier days of their journey, rather one that was beseeching, almost desperate to continue the hunt. Legolas indeed wished to save the halflings any mistreatment that awaited them at the treacherous hands of Saruman, no less than any of them.

The heir of Isildur looked past Gimli and asked, "What say you?"

A brief rustling of grass, as if one of the outworlders had stepped forward to reply and had been pulled forcibly back reached the Dwarf's ears, and he heard one mutter a warning to the other before Katie's voice said clearly from behind him, "We leave the decision to you." Then softer, "As it must be."

Gimli's attention never left Aragorn's face as a troubled expression passed over his face. "Maybe, I could lead you at guess in the darkness and hold to the line," he at last said, "but if we strayed, or they turned aside, then when light came there might be long delay before the trail was found again."

Now, that was a wise statement that he fully approved of. "And there is this also," Gimli added, "only by day can we see if any tracks lead away. If a prisoner should escape, or if one should be carried off, eastward, say, to the Great River, towards Mordor, we might pass the signs and never know it."

"That is true," said Aragorn. "But if I read the signs back yonder rightly, the Orcs—Uruk-Hai—prevailed, and the whole company is now bound for Isengard. Their present course bears me out."

"Yet it would be rash to be sure of their counsels," said Gimli. They were, after all, not the most trustworthy creatures... Another idea occurred to him. "And what of escape? In the dark we should have passed the signs that led you to the brooch."

Legolas stared at the Dwarf for a moment, before opening his mouth to speak. If Gimli did not know better, he would have thought that the Elf had just scowled at him. It was not that Gimli _wanted_ to wait until better light, or even that he was very tired, but that he did not want to chance losing the trail. Nevertheless, he held his peace. The five of them would be useless to the hobbits if they quarreled amongst themselves.

"The Orcs will be doubly on their guard since the last attempt with the brooch, and the prisoners will be even wearier," Legolas protested calmly. "There will be no escape again, if we do not contrive it. How that is to be done cannot be guessed, but first we must overtake them."

Gimli sighed as a great weight seemed to settle on him. The longer the group paused to discuss their next course, the more weariness seemed to overcome him.

"Do you still say nothing?" Aragorn again addressed Brian and Katie.

There passed a moment of silence, and at last Katie responded, "What do you want us to say? We can't dictate your actions."

Aragorn made a sound that, to Gimli, resembled a growl. "You can. How is the wound?"

Her voice was dry as she asked, "Which one?" There was a pause, and she answered, "The dagger wound is fine." Brian muttered a phrase, but Gimli could not distinguish the words. However, Legolas was another matter.

"He believes she lies," the Elf said.

"It is a lie to say that I believe her to be honest about such things," Aragorn rejoined. Gimli decided to put an end to the argument and force the decision.

"Let her be, Aragorn. If she wishes to run herself into her grave, then it is her choice. I myself am a Dwarf of many journeys, and not the least hardy of my folk, but I cannot run all the way to Isengard without any pause. My heart burns me, and now I must rest a little to run the better. And if we rest, then the blind night is the time to do so."

"You give the choice to an ill chooser," said Aragorn. "Since we passed through the Argonath my choices have gone amiss." He stared off into the deepening dark for several long moments, in which Gimli fought to keep his legs steady beneath him. Resolutely, he locked his knees and waited.

At length Aragorn spoke. "We will not walk in the dark. The peril of missing the trail or signs of other coming and going seems to me the greater. If the Moon gave enough light, we would use it, but alas! he sets early and is yet young and pale."

"And tonight he is shrouded anyway," Gimli murmured. "Would that the Lady had given us a light, such a gift as she gave to Frodo!" For the briefest of moments the Dwarf let his mind slip into an indulgent memory of the sweet Lady's fair, shining face. Then all was returned to darkness as Aragorn answered him.

"It will be more needed where it is bestowed. With him lies the true Quest. Ours is but a small matter in the great deeds of this time. A vain pursuit from its beginning, maybe, which no choice of mine can mar or mend." Then, as if to cast aside the somberness he had just created, Aragorn continued, "Well, I have chosen. So let us use the time as best we may!"

Gimli had no qualms about the use of his time; the instant he fell prostrate on the ground, he was asleep, hoping for a fair morning.

Katie woke with Aragorn's command to Gimli to rise. The warmth at her back shifted, then vanished, signaling that Brian had risen. She could not remember much since the conversation last night, and even the latter half of it was vague. She'd slept a dead sleep, devoid of dreams, and still exhaustion ate at her.

Brian offered a hand to help her to her feet, and she did not refuse. A twinge of pain came from her latest wound, but she did not react as she pulled Boromir's cloak around her shoulders against the new morning's chill. Her thoughts preoccupied her. Just how much did Meriweather's author know about the new movie? How many times had she seen it? And how badly would she maim it? Katie, at least, was flying blind from the movie standpoint.

"Here." Brian pressed a bite-sized piece of _lembas_ into her hand, and she ate automatically as she thought over the problem.

"I fear they have passed beyond my sight from hill or plain, under moon or sun," Legolas was saying.

"Brian, what do you know will happen from the book?" Katie questioned softly, as the Elf was occupied and would not likely overhear them.

Her boyfriend thought for a moment, but his face was still shadowed and she couldn't see his expression as he replied, "After a few more days of running, Aragorn will hail a band of Rohirrim and they'll give him horses and tell him that they slaughtered the Orcs during the night. Then it's onto Fangorn Forest."

Katie tried to remember everything he said from her own reading of the books, but her jumbled thoughts refused to make sense to her. She had her basic answer: there was more running ahead. "Great, just great. Couldn't get any worse."

Brian must have smiled, though she couldn't tell. "It could rain."

She punched him in the arm, but any retaliation on Brian's part was forestalled when Gimli motioned for quiet. Katie saw Aragorn lying on the ground, either sleeping or listening like trackers did in old movies. She opted for the second reason.

Minutes passed, and Katie began to fall asleep on her feet. Twice Brian was forced to grab her by the shoulders so she didn't fall over completely. Then dawn began to steal over the sky, and the darkness turned to gray around them. It was then that Aragorn rose, his face pale and drawn.

"The rumour of the earth is dim and confused," he said. "Nothing walks upon it for many miles about us. Faint and far are the feet of our enemies. But loud are the hoofs of horses."

Brian and Katie exchanged glances. So things _were_ going according to book. So far, so good. Would Rohan have been at all affected by the author so far? She wanted to doubt it, but nothing was certain here.

"But now they are drawing ever further from us, riding northward. I wonder what is happening in this land!" Aragorn finished, passing a hand across his eyes.

"Let us go!" said Legolas, in motion before the last syllable had passed his lips.

"Doesn't he _ever_ get tired?" Brian growled under his breath, lengthening his stride to stay with Gimli.

"Wait up!" Katie called from behind him. When she reached his side, she muttered, "I thought you said that we were going to meet up with the Rohirrim. Aragorn thinks they're headed away from us. Not that I'm particularly tired or anything," she went on a touch sarcastically, "but those horses would be nice."

{Would you relax?} her voice piped up. {Stop second guessing, or you'll use up all your energy in brainpower. Brian's right, and so is Aragorn. Now knock it off and run.}

Katie didn't bother with a retort as she continued her pursuit. The day passed slower, and no matter how much they seemed to sprint, they always stayed in the same spot. There was no cheerful sun to add lightness to their moods, and the pace became erratic. Aragorn allowed few to no pauses, and there was no further conversation. Most of them lacked the breath necessary anyway.

The track of their enemies remained straight, and as the day finally drew towards night, the trail began to fade from beneath the watchful eyes of Aragorn and Legolas. The ground became harder, jarring their steps and forcing the less hardy to adjust their strides. The land was lonely around them. Not a sign of life stirred, and often Katie observed Aragorn furrowing his brow, looking troubled. Great, so he was getting jittery. This was _not_ a good sign.

They stopped at dusk again, and Katie was on the ground and asleep before anybody even broke out the _lembas_ and water. Had she been conscious, she would have heard the Three Hunters discussing the loss of the trail and the deadness of the land.

The next thing Katie knew:

"Awake! Awake!"

Her hand shot out and smacked something good and proper; it turned out to be Legolas' shin. The Elf managed a graceful recovery and stood looking down at her with an indiscernible expression.

"Sorry, thought you were my annoying alarm clock," Katie muttered as an apology as she struggled to her feet. She gingerly touched her slowly-healing wound; it had become a habit. A stab of pain told her that it was still with her, but she couldn't let it slow her down, as usual. Katie only hoped she could hold out long enough for them to get those horses.

"I, annoying?" the Elf asked slowly, raising one perfect eyebrow.

"You're not exactly the most pleasant thing to wake up to," Katie retorted, digging through somebody's pack in search of anything resembling breakfast.

Legolas made a vaguely insulted noise before turning his back and preparing to lead the way as the remainder of the group readied themselves. "Annoying, am I?" she heard him mutter once more before charging off like a leaping deer.

"You know, lass, you may have an enemy," a gruff voice observed. Katie turned to see Gimli shouldering a bag, and matched pace with him as they started off.

"We'll just see about that. I'm willing to bet he has no idea what a wedgie, a corndog, a wet willy, or a purple nurple is. There're _so_ many accidents that could happen when one is not paying attention."

"He's an Elf, Katie," Brian put in from her other side. "He'll always be paying attention."

She thought about that for a minute. "I thought that elves slept when they walked. Seems to me then would be a golden opportunity."

Gimli let out what might have been a chuckle, but he was serious as he said, "Whatever action you take, be sure it is wise and cannot be turned around to haunt you."

Brian was incredulous. "You're _condoning_ this?"

The Dwarf shrugged. "Aye, and why not? What are a few tricks among companions? It is not as if I have never done anything to him myself." There was a mischievous twinkle in his eye that Katie did not fail to note.

"I give up," Brian said, exasperated. "If he shoots you, it's your own funeral."

She wisely refrained from a comment about being put out of her misery at that point.

{I do apologize that I have no book reference, but the book in question is, in fact, packed and ready for my return home from college. I have 3 weeks of school left, and school is the reason this update has taken so long. Unfortunately, I made a deal with my friend Fae, and now have to produce Chapter Three sometime before July. That's what we're shooting for anyway.

I know that you all most likely want to hang me for my tardiness, but I have to say it was those final few reviews that kept trickling in that helped persuade me to finish this chapter. When you lose steam halfway through the chapter and then a new semester of school starts, writing might as well be as easy as null-grav bungee jumping. You just don't get anywhere attempting it.

So, thank you to my reviewers, and I apologize that I didn't have enough time or the resources necessary to reply to each review, but please know that they were all appreciated. Many, many, _many_ thanks, Key}


	3. Riders of Rohan

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Tolkien's. Wish I did. However, anything else (such as Katie, her voice, Brian, Saura'onna (wherever she went) and any other extraneous characters with modern or really funny names) belong to me. Yay.

Trapped As A Mary Sue II

Chapter Three

The hours passed in turn, each a struggle for the two people who didn't belong in Middle-earth. Time seemed to stretch on before them like the endless landscape before the group. The promise of horses had been ages ago, and Katie got the feeling that her legs were no longer speaking with her brain. At least they'd stopped hurting; they were more dead than anything else. _Lord, keep me going,_ she'd had occasion to pray more than once.

The _lembas_ helped, too. More than once it had served to restore Katie and Brian's sapped strength, and their spirits would brighten for a short while before falling back into hopeless acceptance of their path. Talking was now nonexistent, and even the voice had given it a rest for awhile.

It was still an hour before noon when they reached the downs: green slopes rising to bare ridges that ran in a line straight towards the North. Katie took extra care in picking her way through the strip of sunken land, where the orc trail could be seen.

The hunters held a brief discussion about the age of the tracks. "If they held to their pace, then at sundown yesterday they would reach the borders of Fangorn," Aragorn said, looking unconcerned. Gimli, on the other hand, was apparently less than pleased by the idea, but he wasn't about to show it in front of Legolas.

"Well, let us go on," the dwarf said. "My legs must forget the miles. They would be more willing, if my heart were less heavy."

-

The sun was sinking over the horizon, dyeing the sky with scarlets and golds. The ragged troupe was coming to the end of the downs; the march had lasted for hours. Gimli's back was bent, but he made no complaints as he toiled on silently. Hope was fading, and everyone could sense it. Aragorn was now at the rear of the procession, Legolas leading the way with his infallible vision. The outworlders were faring far worse than the hardy dwarf, and more than once Aragorn caught Katie pressing her hand to her side. The wound pained her, yet she would not admit it.

Legolas called out from ahead, "Let us go up on to this green hill!" Aragorn turned his grim gaze toward the Elf, and wearily followed the others to the brink of the rise. As they paused, the last sliver of the sun's blood-red disk slipped below the horizon, and shadow consumed the land.

An accurate reflection of his feelings, Aragorn mused. The world closed in around them, formless and gray; the darkness that seemed to dog the hunters deepened and drew nearer to them with the dying of the light. Aragorn repressed an unnatural shiver.

"Nothing can we see to guide us here," Gimli was saying. "Well, now we must halt again and wear the night away. It is growing cold!"

"The wind is north from the snows," Aragorn noted absently. He did not wish to pause again, but he knew rest was the only thing that would allow them to travel on with any speed.

"Rest, if you must," came the voice of Legolas. "Yet do not cast all hope away. Tomorrow is unknown. Advice oft is found at the rising of the sun."

"Three suns already have risen on our chase and brought no counsel," said Gimli.

Privately Aragorn agreed, but he would not say so in front of the others. If he was to lead them, he must not give despair quarter. So, casting his mind away from dark thoughts, he took out a wafer of _lembas_ and broke it up, handing it out for those who would eat. The remaining hunters discarded various items they carried as they prepared for the night. Gimli and Brian accepted the food without comment, while Legolas refused the offer. Katie was already asleep.

Aragorn would have once taken the opportunity to examine her dagger wound, but the evening was growing colder and there was little light. He did not want to attract undue attention to them by risking the lighting of a fire in such open land, and so decided that treatment must wait yet again. The last thing any of them needed was for her to fall unconscious once more.

Gimli threw himself on the ground as soon as he had finished his morsel and rolled himself in his blanket. Snores soon emanated from his dark shape, and Aragorn smiled slightly. Ah, for the hardiness of the Dwarves!

Briefly he considered his pipe, but brushed the thought aside as weariness settled upon him as a chilly mantle. He had best catch what rest he could. Legolas would keep watch. The Elf was already pacing back and forth, singing softly to the skies that the stars might come out. So the night passed.

-

Katie awoke to a bitter, misty morning. The light seemed hard and cold as it shone down from the pale sky. She didn't have the energy to shiver as she rummaged around for some breakfast. The empty land stretched on forever in every direction; wind stirred the grass as if a giant hand was running across the top. She could see the beginning of Fangorn forest, a name she _did_ remember from the book, and a sudden thrill of excitement and fear tingled down her spine. Gandalf…they would see Gandalf again.

She rose stiffly to her feet, trying not to aggravate the hole in her side, courtesy of Meriweather's author. Katie was past the point of caring about pain at this point. In fact, exhaustion caused her not to care much about anything. She just wanted the end. This would take forever, she realized, traveling with the Fellowship (or what was left of it) until the end of all three books.

There's technically only two books left; you've survived the first one. Her voice was awake and lively as ever. It rather grated on her nerves.

Katie didn't reply. Aragorn had suddenly thrown himself down on the ground. Legolas was shading his eyes against the sunlight.

"What do they see?" she asked Brian quietly. He had just gotten up himself, and his hair was flattened on one side. Katie decided not to mention it to him.

He stretched and sighed, then took a look for himself. "The Rohirrim," he concluded after a moment. "The horses I was talking about, remember?"

"How could I forget? I've been thinking about them, oh, every three seconds since you mentioned them!" she said, rolling up her blanket.

"Riders!" cried Aragorn, springing to his feet. "Many riders on swift steeds are coming toward us!"

Brian shot Katie an I-told-you-so look. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Yes," said Legolas, "there are one hundred and five. Yellow is their hair, and bright are their spears. Their leader is very tall."

"He needs a new day job," Brian said dryly. Katie smiled; laughter was a bit beyond her energy resources.

"Keen are the eyes of Elves, "Aragorn said.

"Nay, the riders are little more than five leagues distant," said Legolas.

"So…these are good guys." Katie made it sound like a statement, but she was really looking for confirmation that she wasn't about to get run through with…yellow-haired guys with entirely too many bright spears. She had Legolas to thank for her descriptive imagination of a Viking on horseback bearing down on her.

"Yes…" Brian sounded either vague or like he thought his girlfriend was slightly crazy. She was too tired to tell. "Well, I guess they're _technically_ good guys."

Katie whirled on him. _"What?"_

Brian started to explain, "Well, see, Saruman kind of sent a spy to the king of Rohan to infiltrate his mind, so really the kingdom is kind of under Saruman's control at the moment."

Her mouth worked soundlessly for several long seconds. She managed to recover her voice when Aragorn said, "We will wait. I am weary, and our hunt has failed. Or at least others were here before us; for these horsemen are riding back down the orc-trail. We may get news from them."

"What is he so confident about?" Katie demanded in a fierce whisper. "He thinks we'll get news from people under Saruman's control? Is he _nuts!"_

Brian thought about that. "Mm…slightly," he conceded. At Katie's squawk of disbelief, he smiled. "Calm down, they're not going to hurt us."

"I did not say that we should hear good news," Aragorn was saying. "But evil or good we will await it here."

"I can't believe this! With an attitude like that, he's going to get us killed!" Katie's eyes could now pick out the moving streak on the landscape, and the sound of hoof beats reached her ears…or maybe her overactive brain was imagining things. It was difficult to say in her stressed state.

"Shut up and come on," Brian told her quietly, steering her down the hill at a sedate pace. "The best thing to do is not to appear confrontational, so keep your mouth shut. Take a piece of your own advice for once," he warned, leveling a serious look at her.

Katie bristled slightly but did what he said. Aragorn settled them at the base of the hill, indicating that they should pull their elven-cloaks around them. He passed his to Brian and sat beside Legolas that they all might blend in with the grass better.

Gimli shifted around uneasily, the burst out, "What do you know of these horsemen, Aragorn? Do we sit here waiting for sudden death?"

"Ah, someone with some sense," Katie muttered. Brian gave her a corrective nudge in the ribs. She stopped complaining, only because the wave of pain that went through her made her lose her breath. She bit down on her knuckle to keep from screaming, and the sensation passed.

Brian looked like he wanted to die. If she'd had a weapon, she might have granted his wish. With an effort she reigned in her temper and took a deep breath. She glared at him for a moment before nodding that it was all right.

Aragorn was answering Gimli's question as if he had not noticed anything. Katie knew that it was unlikely, but she wasn't going to let Aragorn Super-Nurse get his hands on her until it was absolutely necessary.

"…I do not know what has happened here of late, nor in what mind the Rohirrim may now be between the traitor Saruman and the threat of Sauron. They have long been the friends of the people of Gondor, though they are not akin to them. At least they will not love the Orcs."

"But Gandalf spoke of a rumor that they pay tribute to Mordor," Gimli said.

"I believe it no more than did Boromir," answered Aragorn.

"You will soon learn the truth," said Legolas. "Already they approach."

Now Katie was positive that she heard the beating of hoofs against the ground. Soon the sound of men's voices rose above the steady cadence of pounding. Then the noise increased into thunder as the horsemen came pounding by the foot of the hill, heading southward. She caught a glimpse of the foremost horseman, but then her vision was snared in the churning legs of horses and the flashing mail and armor of the riders.

She shrunk back slightly as one rider came too close for comfort, but they were nonetheless safe. The soldiers didn't see them, though many were on the lookout for foes. Katie saw them stand up in their stirrups and survey the land as they passed.

The column had almost passed by when suddenly Aragorn stood up, and called in a loud voice: "What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?"

The effect of his voice couldn't have warranted a more immediate action. Like a great serpent the line of riders swung around, turning on the five companions and surrounding them in a moving prison of horses. The tang of sweat filled the air as the space the hunters occupied grew smaller and smaller. Aragorn stood silent, the other four seated at his feet.

Katie caught herself watching Gimli, who looked about as calm as she did. Legolas, on the other hand, probably wouldn't have blinked even if the Rohirrim suddenly turned into trick riders at a circus. She paused for a moment mentally, considering the image. Her concentration was abruptly broken when the horses all came to a sudden and very complete stop. Then the spears were lowered.

Katie noted that the spearhead was indeed as shiny as Legolas had said. He'd forgotten to mention, however, just how sharp and lethal it looked up close. She felt her heart climb up into her throat and stay there as one single rider came forward, his horse calm beneath him. He was taller than all the rest; from his helm as a crest a white horsetail flowed. He advanced until the point of his spear was within a foot of Aragorn's heart. Aragorn did not stir.

"Who are you, and what are you doing in this land?" said the Rider.

"I am called Strider," answered Aragorn without batting an eye. "I came out of the North. I am hunting Orcs."

The Rider leaped from his horse. Giving his spear to another who rode up and dismounted at his side, he drew his sword and stood face to face with Aragorn, surveying him keenly, and not without wonder. At length he spoke again, with laughter in his voice.

"At first I thought that you yourselves were Orcs," he said, "but now I see that it is not so. Indeed you know little of Orcs—" and here he repressed a chuckle, "—if you go hunting them in this fashion. With a woman and a man barely out of boyhood, you would have changed from hunters to prey, if you had ever overtaken them."

It was Brian's turn to bristle, but he made no other movement. Katie was indifferent to these characters making slurs about her by now. At least 'woman' was an improvement from 'child.'

The man was speaking to Aragorn again, having turned aside from his scornful comments about Aragorn's choice of company. "That is no name for a Man that you give. And strange too is your raiment. Have you sprung out of the grass? How did you escape our sight? Are you elvish folk?"

"Do we look like Elves to you?" Brian demanded under his breath sarcastically. It was only Aragorn's elven cloak that kept the Rohirrim from noticing his military uniform, and Katie gaped at him, surprised that he could be so candid with two spears leveled at his face. He had a death wish, she was certain of it.

"No," said Aragorn. "One only of us is an Elf, Legolas from the Woodland Realm in distant Mirkwood. But we have passed through Lothlórien, and the gifts and favor of the Lady go with us."

That announcement sent a rustle through the ranks of horsemen. Armor clanked softly and leather creaked as some of the riders turned to look at each other in wariness. The leader looked at them with renewed wonder, but his eyes hardened. "Then there is a Lady in the Golden Wood, as old tales tell!" he said, looking each of them in the face. "Few escape her nets, they say. These are strange days! But if you have her favor, then you also are net-weavers and sorcerers, maybe."

Here is where Brian snorted and Katie took the opportunity to poke him in the ribs. The man turned a sudden glare in his direction, and moved to point his sword under Brian's chin. Brian stood slowly, keeping the elven cloak tight about him.

"Why do you not speak, silent one?" he demanded coolly, appraising the stranger before him. "You laugh at the thought of danger?"

I laugh in the face of danger, ha ha ha ha! Katie's voice chimed in with a line from _The Lion King._

Shut up!

Brian was trying to compose an answer very carefully. "I laugh at the foolishness of anyone who would think that four men traveling with one woman is a threat to him." He met the Rider's gaze unflinchingly.

The other man's voice dropped lower. "You dare to insult the Riders of Rohan?"

Katie had an obvious comeback to that, but she remained where she was on the ground, praying that Brian wouldn't lose his cool and start off on a spate of 20th century terminology.

"I insult anyone who insults me," Brian returned. "I thought the son of Éomund would have more sense, especially as Third Marshal of the Riddermark."

The son of Éomund, so identified, was taken slightly aback in surprise. "How do you know me, stranger?"

"I have walked your lands before and visited Edoras that I might pay tribute to Théoden King." Brian's face was completely straight.

Aragorn was looking between Brian and the Rider with an expression of speechless surprise. Katie herself was quite taken aback at the circumstances, as she knew this part of the book had never happened! Yet here Brian was, carrying on a perfectly amiable conversation with…oh, what was his name…Éomer! Yes, Éomer.

"Enough of this!" Gimli rose and planted his feet firmly apart: his hand gripped the handle of his axe, and his dark eyes flashed. "Give me your right name, horse-master, and I will give you mine, and more besides," he said.

Éomer stared down at the Dwarf as if he had sprung out of the ground. "As for that, the stranger should declare himself first. Yet I am named Éomer son of Éomund, as you have so heard."

"Then Éomer son of Éomund, Third Marshal of the Riddermark, let Gimli the Dwarf Glóin's son warn you against foolish words. You speak evil of that which is fair beyond the reach of your thought, and only little wit can excuse you."

Ooh, dem's fightin' words.

I told you already, _shut up!_

Éomer advanced on Gimli, eyes blazing. His men murmured angrily around them and closed in, advancing their spears. Katie was going cross-eyed looking at the point of the weapon in her face.

"I would cut off your head, beard and all, Master Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground," said Éomer.

"He stands not alone," said Legolas, bending his bow and fitting an arrow with hands that moved quicker than sight. "You would die before your stroke fell."

Éomer raised his sword as Brian pulled Katie to her feet, shielding her behind him as Gimli let out a low growl. Things might have gone ill, but Aragorn sprang between Éomer and Gimli, raising his hand. "Your pardon, Éomer!" he cried. "When you know more you will understand why you have angered my companions. We intend no evil to Rohan, nor to any of its folk, neither to man nor to horse. Will you not hear our tale before you strike?"

There was a pause, and then Éomer lowered his blade. "I will. But wanderers in the Riddermark would be wise to be less haughty in these days of doubt. First tell me your right name." He gazed directly at Aragorn.

Aragorn countered his demand with his own: "First tell me whom you serve. Are you friend or foe of Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor?"

"I serve only the Lord of the Mark, Théoden King son of Thengel," answered Éomer. "We do not serve the Power of the Black Land far away, but neither are we yet at open war with him; and if you are fleeing from him, then you had best leave this land."

It was Katie's turn to snort, but neither of the two men noticed. She was fleeing from something far worse than Sauron. She wondered if the Dark Lord did indeed know of the danger that had invaded the world he someday hoped to conquer. Wouldn't that be ironic? Sauron succeeds in his domination of Middle-earth only to be overrun by Mary Sues. Aside from depriving many decent characters from their sanity and physical well-being, it was almost like poetic justice…

"Come! Who are you? Whom do _you_ serve? At whose command do you hunt Orcs in our land?" Éomer was now demanding, his proud eyes focused intensely upon Aragorn.

"I serve no man," Aragorn replied evenly, "but the servants of Sauron I pursue into whatever land they may go. There are few among mortal Men who know more of Orcs; and I do not hunt them in this fashion out of choice."

"Boy howdy, we don't," Katie muttered so only Brian could hear.

"The Orcs whom we pursued took captive two of my friends. In such need a man that has no horse will go on foot, and he will not ask for leave to follow the trail. Nor will he count the heads of the enemy save with a sword. I am not weaponless."

Aragorn threw back his Ranger overcoat. The elven-sheath glittered as he grasped it, and the bright blade of Andúril shone like a sudden flame as he swept it out. "Elendil!" he cried. "I am Aragorn son of Arathorn, and am called Elessar, the Elfstone, Dúnadan, the heir of Isildur Elendil's son of Gondor. Here is the Sword that was Broken and is forged again! Will you aid me or thwart me? Choose swiftly!"

Brian's face was alight with satisfaction as he watched the future king of Gondor deliver his line. It must've been one of his favorite lines, Katie guessed. And he'd been here to see it in person. Just like a certain Elf performing the song of Nimrodel.

Katie followed her boyfriend's gaze; Aragorn looked magnified and majesty seemed to shine from his face while Éomer shrunk before him. Truly he looked as the kings of old.

Éomer stepped back and a look of awe was in his face. He cast down his proud eyes. "These are indeed strange days," he muttered. "Dreams and legends spring to life out of the grass." He paused. "Tell me, lord, what brings you here? And what was the meaning of the dark words? Long has Boromir son of Denethor been gone seeking an answer, and the horse that we lent him came back riderless. What doom do you bring out of the North?"

The doom of all Mary-Sueness, should you bar our path!

Katie didn't even deign to respond; it was clear it would do no good.

What? Well, its true, isn't it?

"The doom of choice," Aragorn said. "You may say this to Théoden son of Thengel: open war lies before him, with Sauron or against him. None may live now as they have lived, and few shall keep what they call their own. But of these great matters we will speak later. If chance allows, I will come myself to the king."

"How many side trips are we going to make before the end of the book?" Katie demanded under her breath to Brian.

"That's all in how you define a side trip. It's a good thing you can't follow all of the plots at once, or it would be three times longer. As it is, there's a couple major battles we'll be present for. No big deal."

Katie squawked aloud before she knew what she was doing, interrupting Aragorn's serious conversation with Éomer. Gimli was glaring at her, and Legolas was managing to look angry at her by only using his eyebrows.

"Um…apologies," Katie said lowering her gaze. "That spear's a mite close to my face." She pointed to the Rider directly opposite her who straightened indignantly in his saddle.

"Continue," Brian added. "We're listening raptly."

Aragorn and Éomer obviously didn't catch the sarcasm, for the first resumed talking. "Now I am in great need, and I ask for help, or at least for tidings. You heard that we are pursuing an orc-host that carried off our friends. What can you tell us?"

"That you need not pursue them further," said Éomer. "The Orcs are destroyed."

"And our friends?"

"We found none but Orcs."

"But that is strange indeed," said Aragorn. "Did you search the slain? Were there no bodies other than those of orc-kind? They would be small, only children to your eyes, unshod and clad in grey." His eyes were almost beseeching Éomer to tell him that he had found Merry and Pippin alive and well.

Katie was taking cues from Brian; he didn't look concerned over the whole thing. While she knew that the hobbits hadn't been killed, she couldn't quite remember what _had_ happened to them.

"There were no dwarves nor children," said Éomer. "We counted all the slain and despoiled them, and then we piled the carcasses and burned them, as is our custom. The ashes are smoking still."

"We do not speak of dwarves or children," said Gimli, looking both affronted and worried at the same time. "Our friends were hobbits."

"Hobbits?" said Éomer. "And what may they be? It is a strange name."

"A strange name for a strange folk," said Gimli. "But these were very dear to us. It seems that you have heard in Rohan of the words that troubled Minas Tirith. They spoke of the Halfling. These hobbits are Halflings."

"Is that because they're half-sized or because they're cross-breeds of something like Elves?" Katie whispered to Brian, who motioned swiftly for her to shut up. Katie was tired and getting cranky rather quickly. She was sick of having something pointy sticking into her face and it looked as if she would be standing here for another half an hour while Aragorn and Éomer concluded peace negotiations. In short, Katie was to the point of asking weird questions in order to keep her frame of mind from deteriorating further.

Suddenly another rider spoke up. "Halflings!" he laughed from beside Éomer. "Halflings! But they are only a little people in old songs and children's tales out of the North. Do we walk in legends or on the green earth in the daylight?"

"You'd be really surprised where some of us have been walking as of late," Katie retorted, not bothering to keep her voice down.

This time it was Aragorn who directed a silencing gesture at her and Katie could see the definite warning in his eyes. She resolved, not for the first time, to try and keep her mouth shut.

"A man may do both," Aragorn said diplomatically. "For not we but those who come after will make the legends of our time. The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day!"

"Time is pressing," said the Rider, not heeding Aragorn. "We must hasten south, lord. Let us leave these wild folk to their fancies." And here he glared at Katie, who impudently made a face at him. "Or let us bind them and take them to the king," he continued, looking very much as if he like that idea better. Katie glared at him and pointedly turned her back.

Éomer replied in a language unfamiliar to Katie, causing the Rider to mutter and move off with the other Rohirrim. At last Katie could uncross her eyes and breathe air free of the smell of sweaty horses. She still really wanted one to ride, but being fenced in by more than a necessary number of equines tended to overpower one's senses.

"All that you say is strange, Aragorn," Éomer said. "Yet you speak the truth, that is plain: the Men of the Mark do not lie, and therefore they are not easily deceived. But you have not told all. Will you not now speak more fully of your errand and of your other companions, so that I may judge what to do?"

Aragorn shot a sidelong glance at Katie and Brian as if trying to decide how to best explain them. Katie was still sporting the borrowed clothing from all the way in the first book and she knew that Éomer definitely would guess that she and her boyfriend were not normal residents of…wherever Aragorn would say that they came from.

"My other traveling companions are journeying far from their homes upon business of their own. This," and here he indicated Katie, "is Katie and her…friend is called Brian."

Éomer appeared to digest the strange names for a moment but made no comment. He appeared to want the Ranger to get on with his story.

"I set out from Imladris, as it is named in the rhyme, many weeks ago," said Aragorn. "With me went Boromir of Minas Tirith. My errand was to go to that city with the son of Denethor, to aid his folk in their war against Sauron. But the Company that I journeyed with had other business. Of that I cannot speak now. Gandalf the Grey was our leader."

"Gandalf!" Éomer exclaimed. "Gandalf Greyhame is known in the Mark; but his name, I warn you, is no long a password to the king's favor. He has been a guest in the land many times in the memory of men, coming as he will, after a season, or after many years. He is ever the herald of strange events: a bringer of evil, some now say."

Brian rolled his eyes and Katie couldn't help agreeing with him silently. Did Éomer have any idea of how many more people would be in danger or dead if not for Gandalf? She could think of a few dwarves and one hobbit that were especially grateful to the wizard.

"Indeed since his last coming in the summer all things have gone amiss. At that time our trouble with Saruman began. Until then we counted Saruman our friend, but Gandalf came then and warned us that sudden war was preparing in Isengard. He said that he himself had been a prisoner in Orthanc and had hardly escaped, and he begged for help."

None of this was news to Katie, as she had caught all that from the first movie. She had however, forgotten that Gandalf had stolen one of Théoden's horses (his best horse, in fact) without apology.

"Seven nights ago Shadowfax returned; but the king's anger is not less, for now the horse is wild and will let no man handle him," Éomer finished.

"Then Shadowfax has found his way alone from the far North," said Aragorn; "for it was there that he and Gandalf parted. But alas! Gandalf will ride no longer. He fell into darkness in the Mines of Moria and comes not again."

The two outworlders exchanged secretive glances and smiled behind the others' backs. Katie couldn't _wait_ until Fangorn forest. Well, she kinda could because she didn't need any gigantic trees…Ents, right?...stepping on her in some kind of mad fury.

"That is heavy tidings," Éomer was saying. "At least to me, and to many; though not to all, as you may find, if you come to the king."

Katie took the opportunity to sit down in the long grass, plopping the pack she'd been carrying down with her. Éomer and Aragorn were going to be at it for awhile, she could tell. Drowsiness pulled at her as she tried plumping up the pack a little before resting her head on it and pulling Boromir's cloak securely around her. A wave of sadness rose up inside of her, but she pushed it away. She just wanted a little more sleep. Just a little more… Distantly she was aware of Brian sitting down beside her, but she had soon slipped into a light doze.

She was awoken later by someone shaking her shoulder. Katie tried pushing the offending hand away and mumbled incoherently. The hand persisted and finally she half sat up and looked around blearily. Her eyes were gummy and her throat dry. The world seemed strangely fuzzy, but that was likely because she was still tired. "What?" she demanded grumpily.

"I would say that peace talks have been concluded," Brian said. He was holding the reins of a dapple-grey horse. "Éomer gave us horses, just like I said he would. So, who was right?"

"Argh," Katie replied as she got to her feet, shaking grass blades from her clothing. "Rub it in one more time and I'll rub some dirt in your face." She looked around and noted (surprise, surprise) that Aragorn and the others were still chatting it up with Éomer. "And I thought women were talky," she groused.

Brian mounted the horse with ease and offered his hand down to Katie, pulling her up not-so-gracefully behind him. She nearly slipped off the other side as it was and had to grab onto Brian for stability. "Haven't you ever ridden horseback before?" he demanded.

"Um, well…does a trail ride at Walt Disney World count?" Katie asked. Brian made a noise that told her definitely not as he eased their horse into line with their companions.

The Riders of Rohan organized themselves back into their column as they parted ways with the five travelers. Very swift were the horses of Rohan as the group went thundering toward the dim outline of Fangorn forest. Now the land was being devoured by the lengthy strides of horses and Katie only hoped that being saddle-sore was a pleasanter alternative to running on foot for four days straight. Their path continued on before them.

-

Kathy was fuming at Brad. That little, two-faced, no-good rotten _snitch!_ He'd been going behind her back with another girl all the time. No wonder he'd been acting so weird lately; he'd probably been having trouble keeping his two love lives straight.

She'd already smashed two mirrors, a glass figurine he had given her, and ripped a teddy bear apart. Anger management was not one of her strong points, but her parents were used to it by now.

Kathy flopped down in her computer chair and pounded her fists on the desk for a moment. Simply breaking things and bruising her hands wasn't going to get her anywhere. She stared at the dark computer monitor, seething inwardly. She heard blood rushing in her ears, but didn't feel like breaking any more valuables.

Her finger stretched toward the power button on the computer tower. Maybe she could just write a little…her parents need never know. They'd grounded her for six months all because she'd taken her dad's car and done a little joyriding over the Tennessee border. Nobody had gotten hurt…unless you counted that skunk. Which was how her parents had found out what she'd been doing. It had been a month already and the car _still_ reeked.

But her fanfic was mentally begging to be finished. Being grounded meant that she'd missed the premier of Return of the King in theatres, and now the DVD wasn't coming out until sometime in May or June. What was she going to do until then?

Well, one thing was for certain. She depressed the button and turned on the monitor. If she couldn't get even with Brad in person, she could sure get even with him elsewhere…

Tolkien, J.R.R. The Lord of the Rings. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1954. Pages 418-429.

Author's Abbreviated Note: You have Fae to thank for this chapter. She's been camping out in my dorm room, constantly egging me on. I feel like beating her, but she's just too stinkin' cute for a hobbit lass. Argh! Drat natural hobbit charm and all. And thanks to Drew, my beta.

My apologies aren't worth anything at this point, but I do hope you'll forgive me.

Key


	4. Death at Fangorn

Disclaimer: Believe it or not, I didn't make enough money over the summer to buy anything. So they're still not mine. However, Christmas is coming…

Author's Abbreviated Foreword: I don't know what's up with the website but it keeps stripping my mental punctuation (the conversations with Katie and her voice) so I'm going to try a colon and semicolon :; around mental conversations. Please pardon my formatting.

Trapped As A Mary Sue II

Chapter Four

As they rode forward the day was overcast. Low grey clouds came over the Wold. A mist shrouded the sun. Ever nearer the tree-clad slopes of Fangorn loomed, slowly darkling as the sun went west. They saw no sign of any trail to right or left, but here and there they passed single Orcs, fallen in their tracks as they ran, with grey-feathered arrows sticking in back or throat.

"Eeww," Katie muttered. "Now that I know the Rohirrim are on our side, I'm really glad they didn't mistake us for enemies."

:;Well, your eyes _are_ kind of close together:; her voice put in.

Katie managed to ignore it as Brian urged the horse past a particularly gruesome specimen. :;Maybe I could do that to Meriweather:; she said to her voice.

:;Yeah, or maybe she could do that to you:; the voice returned. :;Don't give her any ideas.:;

At last as the afternoon was waning they came to the eaves of the forest, and in an open glade among the first trees they found the place of the great burning: the ashes were still hot and smoking. Katie tried not to gag at the stench as the group pulled up and the Three Hunters dismounted. Fortunately, there wasn't much left of the despoiled band of creatures to identify in the smoking heap.

Beside it was a great pile of helms and mail, cloven shields, and broken swords, bows and darts and other gear of war. Upon a stake in the middle was set a great goblin head; upon its shattered helm the white badge could still be seen. Further away, not far from the river, where it came streaming out from the edge of the wood, there was a mound. It was newly raised: the raw earth was covered with fresh-cut turves: about it were planted fifteen spears.

"The only tomb a Rider of Rohan receives," Brain told Katie when she asked. "They defend this land on all sides from so many foes and that is all that can be done for them."

"A soldier's death," Katie said softly. She gazed at Brian's profile from where she sat behind him on their horse. The kind of death Brian himself could have someday in service to the Navy. She had always been proud of her boyfriend for wanting to defend their country; suddenly, on the plains of Rohan in a situation she had never thought possible, it took on a whole new meaning.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Brian suddenly dismounted and offered her a hand down. Katie slid stiffly from the saddle and promptly collapsed in a heap next to the horse, who had the grace not to step on her.

Katie's vision hazed for a moment as she tried to get her legs once again to speak with her brain. As circulation slowly returned to her thighs, she managed to struggle into a sitting position in the yellow, scratchy grass. The evening seemed to be getting warmer and she watched Aragorn and his companions search far and wide about the field of battle. The light, however, was against them. Evening soon drew down, dim and misty. By nightfall, they had discovered no trace of Merry and Pippin.

"They went into the forest," Brian whispered, his gaze focused on the low, dark boughs of Fangorn. The mist seemed to dance in strange shapes between the trunks as the evening deepened.

"We can do no more," Gimli was saying sadly.

"They can't just give up!" Katie exclaimed. Legolas' head turned at that, but he made no comment and Katie shut her mouth.

Gimli continued, indicating he had not heard Katie. "I would guess that the burned bones of the hobbits are now mingled with the Orcs'. It will be hard news for Frodo, if he lives to hear it; and hard too for the old hobbit who waits in Rivendell. Elrond was against their coming."

"Yeah, well, Elrond's sons were all for knocking me off," Katie muttered savagely. "The branches never fall far from the tree." Brian was ready for another corrective poke in her ribs, but thought better of it at the last moment.

"The counsel of Gandalf was not founded on foreknowledge of safety, for himself or for others," Aragorn was saying. "There are some things that it is better to begin than to refuse, even though the end may be dark. But I shall not depart from this place yet. In any case we must here await the morning-light."

"Here? As in, _here_ here?" Katie cast a furtive glance at the smoking remains of the orcs. The smell was enough to turn anyone's stomach; hers was beginning to do cartwheels complete with round-offs. A gymnast's dream.

"Let us go a little farther from this place," Gimli said. "I like not the thought of the dead lingering."

"For once, I agree," Brian said quietly. Katie got up slowly, tottered a little as she struggled for balance, and waited for various and sundry parts of her body to cooperate with the demand that she move elsewhere. Her stomach was very queasy, but she pushed the feeling down.

"I am so ready for a vacation," she said to Brian as he began to lead the horse in the direction Aragorn was going.

"We don't get vacations while we're saving the world," he replied. "We get up early, eat bad food, use up all our energy fighting enemies that outnumber us, and grab a catnap instead of sleep."

"Do shut up," Katie returned in a fake British accent. "We've made it this far."

"Well, you have at least." Brian's smiled ironically. "I don't know if we'll make it out of this."

Katie sighed as she pulled Boromir's cloak off. It was simply too warm to wander around with the heavy thing on. Maybe the fresh air would help her stomach feel better. She draped it over the horse's saddle. "At least we can be assured that Meriweather's author will see that her characters end up in one piece by the end of this."

Brian stopped. He stared at her for a moment in the dusk. "You don't mean that."

"Think about it," Katie replied. "She has a vested interest in making sure we don't get killed. It's unpleasant to be a part of her plot, I grant you that, but at least it's safer."

"No, it's only safer as long as she decides she has a use for us. Once she gets sick of writing, either of us could die," Brian countered.

Suddenly the words of Katie's voice came back to her: 'What's it to her if you die at the _end?' _A cold chill made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She shivered.

"Yeah, that to me is even worse," Brian said, turning his steps toward the camp the Three Hunters had chosen. He picketed the horse and unloaded the supplies Aragorn had given him to carry.

"I didn't think of it that way…the author really wants Aragorn and Meriweather together. But that doesn't say anything about you. I'm sorry, thinking like that was selfish," Katie apologized.

Brian shrugged. "Hey, someone's got to think for you."

She laughed suddenly and aimed a swat in his direction, but Brian was too fast. He grinned a trifle impudently. "You're lucky you're cute," Katie said, taking her cloak and blanket from him.

A little way beyond the battle-field they made their camp under a spreading tree: it looked like a chestnut, and yet it still bore many broad leaves of a former year, like dry hands with long splayed fingers; they rattled mournfully in the night-breeze.

Katie eyed the tree suspiciously. It didn't look like an Ent, but then she'd never seen an Ent before anyway.

"Let us light a fire," Gimli said. "I care no longer for the danger. Let the Orcs come as thick as summer-moths round a candle!"

That image was enough to make Katie sit down hard in the grass. She realized she was staring open-mouthed at the Dwarf who hadn't noticed her shock.

"If those unhappy hobbits are astray in the woods, it might draw them hither," said Legolas.

"I can see tomorrow's Middle-Earth headline: 'Orcs Attack Pyros,'" Katie whispered to Brian, who settled beside her.

"And it might draw other things, neither Orc nor Hobbit," said Aragorn. "We are near to the mountain-marches of the traitor Saruman. Also we are on the very edge of Fangorn, and it is perilous to touch the trees of that wood, it is said."

"Yeah, you might get flattened," Brian muttered under his breath.

Gimli answered Aragorn. "But the Rohirrim made a great burning here yesterday, and they felled trees for the fire, as can be seen. Yet they passed the night after safely here, when their labour was ended."

:;Oh yes, and if everyone were to jump off of the Bridge of Khazad-dûm, would you follow them:; the voice asked snidely. Katie couldn't help snickering. It kept her mind off of the fact that her stomach was considering revisiting the _lembas_ she'd eaten earlier in the day.

"They were many," said Aragorn, "and they do not heed the wrath of Fangorn, for they come here seldom, and they do not go under the trees. But our paths are likely to lead us in to the very forest itself. So have a care! Cut no living wood!"

"There is no need," said Gimli. "The Riders have left chip and bough enough, and there is dead wood lying in plenty." With that, he wandered off into the darkness.

"Wait, why is he building a fire in the first place?" Katie demanded quietly to Brian. "Are we finally admitting to being afraid of the dark?"

"Katie, it's freezing," Brian answered as if his girlfriend were slightly dense. "I've got Aragorn's cloak and a blanket and I'm still cold."

Katie was dressed only in Sam's shirt and Aragorn's leggings. She glanced at Legolas and Aragorn. The Elf held the folds of his cloak tight about him as he stood alone in the open, looking towards the profound shadow of the wood, leaning forward as one who listens to voices calling from a distance. Aragorn was wrapped in his blanket and sat silent with his back to the great tree, deep in thought. "Oh. I hadn't noticed. I'm not all that cold. You can borrow my blanket if you want."

Brian looked at her for a moment, as if to determine if she were serious. Then he shrugged and added her blanket to his. "If you get cold, tell me."

Gimli returned shortly with a large armload of wood. When the Dwarf had a small bright blaze going, the five companions drew close to it and sat together, shrouding the light with their hooded forms.

Legolas looked up at the boughs of the tree reaching out above them. "Look!" he said. "The tree is glad of the fire!"

:;Who ever heard of a tree being _happy_ about fire:; Katie thought to herself.

:;Well, Hexis was pretty happy about it when he tried to take over Ferngully:; her voice put in unhelpfully.

:;Hexis wasn't a tree, he was locked _inside_ a tree. Will you stop trying to make crossovers inside my head? It's not as if there aren't enough people in here without your help:; Katie retorted. She was now looking at the tree; Aragorn had moved slightly away from the trunk and they all were staring upward.

It may have been that the dancing shadows tricked their eyes, but certainly to each of the companions the boughs appeared to be bending this way and that so as to come above the flames, while the upper branches were stooping down; the brown leaves now stood out stiff, and rubbed together like many cold cracked hands taking comfort in the warmth.

"That's…kinda scary," Katie whispered aloud. There was a silence, for suddenly the dark and unknown forest, so near at hand, made itself felt as a great brooding presence, full of secret purpose.

Legolas spoke; Katie and Brian jumped. "Celeborn warned us not to go far into Fangorn," he said. "Do you know why, Aragorn? What are the fables of the forest that Boromir had heard?"

Aragorn sat back against the trunk of the tree once more. "I have heard many tales in Gondor and elsewhere," he said, "but if it were not for the words of Celeborn I should deem them only fables that Men have made as true knowledge fades. I had thought of asking you what was the truth of the matter. And if an Elf of the wood does not know, how shall a Man answer?"

"What did Celeborn say to them?" Katie asked Brian. "I think I missed that part, courtesy of Meriweather." Brian made a shushing gesture as Legolas answered.

"You have journeyed further than I," said Legolas. "I have heard nothing of this in my own land, save only songs that tell how the Onodrim, that Men call Ents, dwelt there long ago; for Fangorn is old, old even as the Elves would reckon it."

:;So much for the 'wisest and fairest of all beings.':;

:;Haven't I told you to shut up lately? Shut up.:;

The heat of the flames was making Katie feel far warmer than she needed. Small beads of sweat began to gather on her forehead, and she wiped them away. The nauseated feeling in her stomach had not abated, but she was certain that if she went to sleep it would go away. She let Aragorn and the others carry on as she lay down on Boromir's cloak and stared into the fire, waiting for sleep to come. The flickering flames grew hazy in her vision as she watched them.

Distantly, as if miles away the four men drew lots for the watches. Perhaps Katie should have been vaguely surprised that Brian had volunteered to watch, but her mind had wandered into the fire, her thoughts weaving with the fingers of flame. She was aware of nothing else as she drifted away…

Shapes. There were shadowy shapes moving in the forest beyond Legolas' slumbering form. Katie could see them through the flames. They were the massive, hulking forms of Uruk-Hai. They were so numerous that Katie couldn't count them; she sat up quickly and nearly threw up.

"Well, father, what can we do for you?" said Aragorn, leaping to his feet. Katie started at his sudden movement; Brian also rose slowly and stood silently, gazing at the bent figure of an old man at the edge of the firelight. She blinked; where had he come from?

"Come and be warm, if you are cold!" Aragorn strode forward, but the old man was gone. There was no trace of him to be found near at hand, and they did not dare to wander far. The moon had set and the night was very dark.

Katie let her head drop into her hands. She was shaking. There weren't any Uruk-Hai forms in the trees; had she been dreaming? The old man…she knew it had to be Gandalf. But maybe in this storyline things had changed. Perhaps it was Saruman with a band of Uruks.

Suddenly Legolas gave a cry. "The horses! The horses!"

The horses were gone. They had dragged their pickets and disappeared. For some time the five companions were still and silent, troubled by this new stroke of ill fortune. They were under the eaves of Fangorn, and endless leagues lay between them and the Men of Rohan, their only friends in this wide and dangerous land. As they stood, it seemed to them that they heard, far off in the night, the sound of horses whinnying and neighing. Then all was quiet again, except for the cold rustle of the wind.

Katie continued to stare at the dark trees on the edge of Fangorn, to ensure that she really had not seen anything. It _must_ have been a dream.

"Are you all right?" Brian asked quietly, sitting down again. He looked in the direction Katie was staring, but saw nothing.

"Yeah, great. Just great. I think I had a waking nightmare." Katie laughed a little, but it sounded small.

"Well, you look horrible."

Katie punched Brian in the arm. "Thanks. Knew I could count on you to be honest." She looked across the fire to the other three companions. They were conversing about the loss of the horses and likely would not hear the outworlders. "I thought I saw something in the forest, that's all."

"What, Gandalf? That's who the old man was," Brian said.

"No, something else…" A sudden look crossed Brian's face. He seemed to pale in the firelight. "What?"

"He's afraid. He's really afraid." Brian spoke slowly, eyes focused on nothing.

Katie blinked. She didn't understand. "Who's afraid?"

"Temnaur, I can hear him. He's begging for his life." Brian looked around. There was nothing, no danger in the area. "I don't know why, I don't understand."

"Ah!" Katie pressed her hands to her temples. A burning presence, rage like she had never felt before filled her mind. Screaming, yelling anger. "She's angry. Meriweather's author is angry!"

Brian also had a pained expression on his face. "I hear her. I've never before, but I know it's her."

"She wants the story back. She wants it badly." The wound in her side seemed to flare and the world suddenly hazed out of focus.

Both of them were now drawing stares from their three companions from across the fire, but neither noticed.

"She can't! She can't just take control back." Brian paused, searching for confirmation in Katie's face. "Can she?"

"I don't know. She's never done this before. She's never been so furious." The author's feelings struck again and again against her mind, trying to loosen Katie's grip on consciousness. Black spots appeared before her eyes.

Her hand went to her side. A black stain was spreading across the fabric of Sam's shirt. "No, oh no, not now. Aragorn!" She had known that not all was right with her injury. Like an idiot Katie had assumed that several days of straight running was the only reason she was in pain. Forget pride, bad things were going to happen if she couldn't stay conscious.

The Ranger was at her side in the time it took him to find his herb satchel. "Poison," was the only thing Aragorn said.

"She wants the story back. Only now she's angry; she means to do something terrible. I'm sorry, I didn't think the wound was as bad." Katie was aware that she was babbling, but she was trying to keep a hold on reality. Yet the poison's effects already had too much of a head start.

"Fight it! Katie, fight it!" Brian's voice came from far away. :;He's scared because Temnaur's scared:; she thought distantly.

:;Any guesses as to who the author's mad at:; her voice asked. :;I'll give you three.:;

Fade.

"No, let him go! He hasn't done anything, let him go!" The words came from her mouth, with her voice, but Katie hadn't been the one uttering them.

She forced her mind to surface from where it had been drifting in the land of oblivion. Katie felt horribly weak and feverish. She couldn't remember what had happened when she had reached in-between. Maybe it had had something to do with a neuralizer. So much for not crossing anything over.

Katie focused on the scene before her and would have screamed if she'd been able. Meriweather was being restrained by two disproportionately hulking Uruks. That seemed to indicate that she'd been captured. Worse still was the figure of Temnaur, who had been divested of his green outer robe and was being whipped. His white shirt hung in tatters from bloody shoulders and his green leggings were torn and stained as if he had been dragged along the ground.

The young wizard's battered features suggested that Katie had come to only partway through his torture session. Her voice had been right; the author was after Temnaur. The Uruk scourge fell repeatedly upon his bent shoulders and each stroke elicited a noise of suffering from Temnaur. How much Brian actually felt, Katie didn't know.

:;Hold on! Brian, don't let it get to you. Please, please…:; She knew he was behind those eyes, the green eyes of a character that was doomed. The author's template for Temnaur must have angered her in some way. How far would she go?

Suddenly the lead Uruk dropped the scourge and hauled Temnaur to his feet. The young man wove unsteadily for a moment before falling back to his knees. The Uruk grabbed a fistful of hair (Temnaur's hair was longer than Brian's) and jerked him upright. Temnaur groaned at the abuse, but he remained standing.

Meriweather was still struggling with hear captors, but very ineffectually. They were in a forest, presumably Fangorn. Was that what she had seen? The author's intention of using Uruk-hai to punish her characters?

"Now you run, little wizard," the Uruk leader snarled. "Run and my boys will enjoy chasing you." When Temnaur didn't move, one of the lesser Uruks fired a crossbow bolt at the wizard's feet. Temnaur spun and ran, fleeing for his life. He ran deeper into Fangorn, dodging behind trees and shrubs, anything that would give him cover.

The Uruk leader roared a laugh that made Katie's blood run cold. "After him, boys! The one that brings me his pretty pale scalp gets to play with the wench." And he pointed at Meriweather. Katie's heart dropped like the Tower of Terror. They _were_ going to kill Temnaur!

"Brian!" The cry escaped before Meriweather could stop it. She also failed to stop the mad lunge that Katie managed to make out of the grip of the Uruks on either side of her. Katie made it all of three feet before Meriweather reasserted control and she fell flat on her front, landing on a network of roots that made her poisoned wound erupt into fiery agony all over again.

The Uruk-hai hauled her back to her feet. Katie railed against the mental barriers Meriweather had erected around her. No two-bit Mary Sue author was going to do away with Brian! There had to be a way to stop her!

Her mad train of thought was interrupted by the sound of silence, followed by the meaty thud of an arrow meeting flesh and the sound of someone gasping for air that would no longer come to them. Then followed more silence.

And then the cheering began. Rough Uruk-hai voices carried through the trees and Katie heard the sound of fists beating on armor in celebration.

It was over. She sagged mentally. She hadn't gotten to say goodbye. She never would.

:;No, that can't be it! There must be something else! That author didn't own Brian; she can't kill him! Voice, talk to me! This can't be the end:; Katie begged her mental companion to deny what she had just seen and heard.

A string of Uruk-hai stampeded back from within the depths of the forest. One of them held a bloody piece of flesh. Meriweather actually gagged.

Katie receded. She wasn't going to involve herself anymore. She pulled her consciousness away from her senses and left Meriweather's author to do her worst. She didn't have to watch.

"Katie!" She started, then tuned herself into reality once more. It couldn't have been…

:;Brian:; She would have shrieked if she could. There he was, staring Meriweather straight in the eye, Navy uniform, military haircut and all. And yet he seemed insubstantial. Katie realized that she could see right through him. Hope suddenly returned and she cheered inwardly.

"It's over for me. That stupid author killed Temnaur, and I'm free. I don't want you to worry. Even if she goes after you or anybody else she drags in, once she cuts her character's thread of life, we're not affected anymore." Brian's face was alight with relief. "No matter what happens, hang in there, okay? She can't do anything to you short of sending you home."

:;If I could do anything right now, I'd kiss you:; Katie thought happily. A burden lifted from her shoulders, and she felt as if she could fly. Well, hadn't she been trapped inside Meriweather.

"Look, I've got to go." Brian stepped backwards, almost reluctantly. Over his shoulder a new kind of portal was forming, one meant only for him. Katie made out the interior of a barracks building. "I'll tell you family not to worry about you." He stepped through. "I love you." Then he was gone.

Long after the portal had vanished, Katie remained alert in Meriweather's mind, ready to take action. This war was _so_ not over.

Tolkien, J.R.R. The Lord of the Rings. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1954. Pages 429-433.

Author's Abbreviated Note: Merry Christmas, everyone. Key


	5. Unplanned Rescue

Disclaimer: After such a long time, I'm not even sure the non-Tolkien characters still belong to me... shall we go see if I can get them to cooperate?

TRAPPED AS A MARY SUE II

Chapter Five

{Hsst. Wake up.}

{No.} Katie's surly mood at a number of factors deterred her from wanting to do anything even remotely obedient.

{Well, if you don't get up, then-}

Something wet and claw-like grabbed her—Meriweather's, really—face. In an impressive movement of flashing hair, Katie was on her feet and across the small campsite before her brain could register that A) she was still with the Uruk-hai, B) she wasn't tied up, and C) there was a raccoon attached to her head.

Once she stopped moving, however, all those facts jumbled into her senses and Katie attempted to pry Saura'onna from her perch. She held the muddy raccoon at arm's length as she attempted to cope with the situation, find out just what Meriweather was up to, and get her heart rate back under control.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed to the raccoon. "Didn't we leave you back in _The Fellowship of the Ring?"_

The raccoon gave her what could be considered a mournful look right before clamping its rear paws around Katie's wrist, righting itself, and scampering up to sit on her shoulder.

Without Saura'onna to focus her attention on, Katie's gaze immediately went to the next object in her immediate line of vision: an Uruk-hai foot, which belonged to a particularly impressive specimen that was flopped over on its back, snoring with its mouth wide open. Then the entire memory from the day before came flooding back to her, and she swayed with the head rush. She made a grab for a nearby tree limb to steady herself with, but her hand missed and she fell over gracelessly to land in a different Uruk-hai's lap.

Katie bit down on a terrified squeal and cringed, waiting to be decapitated. Mercifully, the Uruk didn't stir; he merely slung one meaty arm across her, pinning the unfortunate girl in place, and went on snoring like his buddy beside him.

She took a deep breath to calm herself, and then three more when the first didn't seem to help. What was Meriweather's author playing at? She had taken her anger out on Temnaur/Brian, leaving the real Brian free to return to the real world—'their world'—since right now Middle-Earth looked very real to Katie. But that still left Meriweather in the clutches (quite literally, at the moment) of the Uruk-hai that had captured them.

"Ahem."

The gruff voice was completely out of place in a small meadow decorated with slumbering monsters. Katie did her best to turn and see who the speaker was, hampered by the heavy arm that had made itself at home on her lap.

"Gimli?" she mouthed in disbelief. The dwarf surveyed Katie's inglorious perch and had the decency not to change expression at her predicament.

"What is the she-devil inside you doing now?" Gimli asked in low voice, his hard gaze sizing up the number of Uruk-hai "guarding" Meriweather.

"She's asleep," Katie replied in a whisper, the sudden realization explaining quite a bit. "It goes something like, 'Torn up with grief at the death of Temnaur, Meriweather cried herself into a senseless sleep, where she dreamed of—'" Katie stopped reciting suddenly and shuddered so violently that the Uruk-hai in whose lap she was seated snorted in annoyance and rolled over, freeing his captive. Well, freeing her in one sense.

Katie rolled clear, which temporarily dislodged her raccoon companion. She sat up just in time to avoid being bear-hugged by another Uruk-hai, who was sitting up to stretch. Nearby, another was repeating those exact motions.

"Lass…" Gimli started to warn, but Katie was too busy trying to get over the horrible dream Meriweather had been having about Aragorn to see that the two Uruk-hai that had been guarding Meriweather were beginning to stir.

"Oh snap," Katie blurted, gaze fastening on the dwarf. "I'm supposed to be over there." She plucked Saura'onna from where the raccoon had resumed her perch on her shoulder and tossed the animal underhand to Gimli. Gimli, to his credit, only fumbled the catch when Saura'onna attempted to climb his beard.

She ran back to the guards and scrabbled to get back under the thin blanket Meriweather was supposed to be sleeping beneath, just in time to receive a boot in the ribs (thankfully, on the side that didn't have a healing dagger wound).

The guard on the left snarled something at her, and Katie's comeback which likely would have had something to do with the Uruk-hai's lineage and an orc lavatory, was stolen from her when Meriweather the Mary Sue 'came awake with a delicate cry and glared at the monster'. To put it in the author's words, at least.

Katie was much too preoccupied with avoiding the next kick from the second Uruk-hai guard, which _would_have gone directly into her smarting side to immediately process the challenging words that Meriweather threw at the monsters. The next thing she knew, however, a hand that could have easily concealed a toddler had buried itself in the loose length of her hair and jerked upward.

"Yow!" Katie yelped, forgetting that this same trick had happened just yesterday. Her scalp, however, hadn't forgotten and her eyes blurred with sudden tears of pain from the aching patches that had been aggravated. Still, the monster didn't desist once she was fully standing. Meriweather/Katie's feet actually left the ground as the creature suspended her at its own eye level.

Still, Meriweather didn't back down. "You heard me," the Sue said through Katie's mouth. "I don't care what you did to Temnaur; Aragorn will come for me. You should count the last few seconds of your life, evildoer."

{She gives these Uruk-hai too much credit if she thinks they can count,} Katie's voice said dryly.

{Eeeeeee…..put me down, put me down, pumme down!} was Katie's only response. She wasn't permitted to flail blindly in an attempt to get the Uruk-hai to release her, as Meriweather was favoring the "strong stoic sufferer" motif and remaining very still and proudly defiant.

The Uruk-hai guard that was not holding her off of the ground sneered and slavered so close to Meriweather's face that Katie could smell the last three meals on its breath—none of them remotely edible. If Katie had been able, she probably would have gagged and lost whatever contents remained in her stomach. Meriweather, however, was much too beautiful and poised to do something like puke in her own fanfic.

"No one will come if no one know you alive," the monster snarled. And then it did something that Katie wasn't expecting; it drew out a sharpened stone knife and made a lightning-fast slashing gesture just above her field of vision. The ache in her scalp abruptly blossomed into fire and Katie fell heavily to the ground without so much as a shriek. Through a wave of dizziness, she managed to raise her head enough to see the large length of hair still gripped in the Uruk-hai's hand.

{Wow. Never thought I'd see a Sue do _that,_} her voice said in absolute honesty. {There's even a bit of skin on it.}

{Oh, is that why I'm lightheaded?} Katie responded with a strained mental giggle. She knew that she was bleeding, sprawled on the muddy ground, and powerless to do anything…it was the kind of helpless feeling that hurt so badly all she could do was laugh the humorless laugh of someone so frustrated they didn't know what to do.

The Uruk-hai still holding a section of Meriweather's scalp leered over Katie, who raised her spinning head enough to make eye contact. "Will look good with the other one, don't it?" the hulking creature asked, pointing to a tree fifteen feet away.

Nailed with a crude spike to the trunk were the blond remnants of Temnaur's hair. Horrible symbols that had the look of dried blood were painted onto the rough bark, and as Katie watched, Meriweather's hair joined the display. A hot trickle of her own blood reached the bottom of her chin, and Katie wiped it away with an unsteady hand.

"No one come," the Uruk-hai went on in a manner that almost bordered on cheerful. "We leave bits of wizard here, maybe a bit or two of you. Enough bits, and he think you're dead."

"Fingers?" the other Uruk-hai guard asked hopefully. It reached over and caught Katie's wrist, examining the still-magically clean nails and unmarked hands that only a Sue could manage.

"Maybe whole hand," the first said thoughtfully.

{Oh bad,} her voice said as both of them pulled out rusty knives. {I never thought I'd see the day when a Sue would risk self-mutilation. Something's got the author messed up-and you know I mean even more than normal!}

Katie twisted from her prone position on the ground and tried to yank away, but her wrist might as well have been in a vise. "Get your meathooks off of me!" she forced out from between gritted teeth. "The only person losing fingers around here is gonna be Frodo!"

Now the other guard was contemplating her other hand...and possibly her left ear. Katie couldn't be sure about the ear, but she _was_sure that the gray blur that zipped past her face was a hallucination. That was, until said gray hallucination neatly blinded the first Uruk-hai with its claws.

Saura'onna might have been descended from a ninja, or more realistically from a mongoose. She didn't climb or scamper, she flowed like quicksilver and struck like an adder. The second Uruk-hai sustained several bites to its arms before it too was blinded in a quick lunge that ended with the monster bellowing aloud, staggering off-balance...right before an arrow through the throat caused the bellow to die as a gurgle.

In seconds, more arrows appeared to sprout from the other Uruk-hai in the company-that is, those who didn't find themselves on the business end of Gimli's favorite axe. The entire skirmish, if it could even be called that, lasted less than ten minutes.

"Six," Legolas said to Gimli.

"Seven," the Dwarf replied, but without a trace of smugness.

"Am I glad to see you-" Katie started to say, but Meriweather obviously hadn't been expecting this turn in the plot, because the sentence ended with, "You can threaten all you like, but Aragorn will never stop searching for me."

Legolas and Gimli exchanged almost comical glances before the latter cleaned his axe on the nearest carcass and replaced it on his belt. Legolas swung his bow back over his shoulder and crouched beside their rescuee, examining the wound to her scalp.

Katie rolled her eyes and waited impatiently for a lull in Meriweather's tirade before interjecting, "She still thinks the Uruk-hai have her. What happened?"

Gimli held out his hand to Saura'onna, who was now harmlessly examining one of her victims as if curious as to how it got there. The raccoon scampered up his arm and made herself at home on one of his broad shoulder pads.

{There's something wrong with that animal,} Katie thought to herself, blinking in an attempt to clear the haze from her vision.

{Could be. Or it could be that Meriweather just likes to have unrealistic expectations of animal companions.}

{Yeah, but how can it be a bumbling animal for several chapters, and then move like an assassin the next?} Katie asked. {I didn't hear Meriweather say anything about it.}

{Well, keep an ear open,} her voice advised uneasily. {Legolas and Gimli just totally ruined the epic battle scene she probably has planned for Aragorn to rescue you.}

{In case you didn't notice,} Katie thought a trifle acidly, {I was about to have my arms shortened. I could care less what they ruined.} Her head felt very heavy all of a sudden and she allowed her chin to rest on her crossed arms. She listened for a moment to the Mary Sue author; apparently the Uruk-hai were to have bound and gagged Meriweather, but with a distinct lack of live monsters to carry out such plans, Katie was left to herself as the monsters 'plotted all manner and sorts of dark uses for the fair woman that had come to be in their midst'. Katie tried not to listen too hard in case the uses were graphic.

Something cold and wet began to replace the sticky feeling of drying blood as Legolas used a water skin to clean the wound on Meriweather/Katie's head. Katie inhaled and bit her tongue, but part of her was just so tired that the pain didn't particularly matter. As it was, she seemed to regard it from a distance and was almost idly fascinated.

"We left Aragorn a short distance away," Gimli was saying. "The witch's Aragorn, that is. He is close to tracking these foul creatures down."

"No tracking needed to be done," Legolas added a trifle angrily. "Even a blind orc could have found you."

"Well, you two are a great deal better than blind orcs," was what Katie meant to say. However, what came out was the strangled, gutteral sound of someone that had been gagged as Aragorn, Ranger of the North and the Man in Question dove into the clearing in a manner that reminded her very much of _GalaxyQuest._

What followed was perhaps one of the clumsiest shadow-battles she had ever seen. It was easy to tell that the Mary Sue author hadn't spent as much time detailing Aragorn's fight as she did Meriweather's. The Ranger swung his sword two-handedly, as if it were a cross between a cleaver and a wood-cutter's axe. His movements were unsteady, almost jerky like a puppet that had had it's strings tangled. He came around, stabbed once, ducked, and rolled out of the way again.

{Does the rolling help?} her voice asked snidely.

{Leave off, this isn't Aragorn's fault,} Katie said sadly.

At long last, the impromptu battle ended. And the Uruk-hai were thankfully just as dead as before. For one brief moment, Katie had wondered whether or not the author would be able to resurrect the corpses to make the battle believable. She was very glad to be proven wrong.

Legolas and Gimli wisely cleared the immediate area as Aragorn hastened to where Katie was lying. He knelt, his hands moving to cut the invisible (well, non-existent) bonds on her wrists and feet, and then there was a brief, horrible moment that Katie blocked out with a scene from _Labyrinth._

{Oh yes. The patented "Dance Magic Dance" distraction,} her voice commented. {Or is it "Pants, Magic Pants"?}

{Who cares? Whatever works!} Katie shot back. {Is he done kissing her yet?}

{Uhum, wait for it...yes. All clear.}

Katie came back to reality to find herself wrapped in Aragorn's firm embrace (whether firm because the real Aragorn wanted to knock her out or firm because Katie was squirming at the awkwardness of it all, she wasn't quite sure).

She steeled herself for whatever madness was coming next; a new Uruk-hai attack where Meriweather saved them all? Resuming the chase after the hobbits in which Meriweather's endurance outlasted even Legolas? A magical unicorn that emerged from beneath the dark boughs of the wood as a sign that Gandalf was within? Not much could surprise Katie at this point. Or so she thought.

The one thing she was not prepared for was the way Legolas and Saura'onna's heads lifted at the exact same time, in the exact same manner.

Katie turned toward the Mirkwood prince in time to see sheer horror cloud his fair features before it was smothered. "What did you say?" the elf said in a near-whisper. "A voice..._no._ _No!"_And then his expression smoothed, devoid of nearly any emotion as Meriweather's author picked up a new thread of torture meant just for Legolas.

Saura'onna, though unable to speak, was clearly in the same boat. She had flung herself free of Gimli's shoulder and was twisting in paroxysms on the forest floor. Her front paws grasped at her ears, and for a moment the raccoon even began tearing tufts of her own fur out, clearly agitated beyond personal safety. And then she was still, left in a panting gray heap with all of her energy spent.

Katie struggled for a brief moment in an attempt to get Aragorn to release her, but the sudden movement made her vision spin and her new wound complain. "Legolas!" she said, but there was no reaction from the elf.

Gimli had drawn back in consternation; was he also to be affected by this new wave of the author's evil? After a long moment, he approached Legolas and very slowly poked his companion quite pointedly in the stomach. No reaction.

Saura'onna stumbled up on her paws and wove a little unsteadily as she made her way toward the only two standing people in the clearing. Katie and Gimli watched in disbelief as she planted herself at Legolas's feet and posed demurely. There was no mistaking the pose; no wild animal could do something like that.

And then Legolas' gaze dropped to the raccoon and Katie stifled an exclamation of outrage as it surged through her brain. {Oh _no way. __**No way.**_}

[Author's Note: Thank you to the lovely people in the Office of Letters and Light for running NaNoWriMo. Composing fifty thousand words in a month's time has convinced me that there is no reason I can't write at the drop of a hat anymore. It might be crap, but it's written.

And thank you to that reviewer in 2010 who literally yelled at me, threatened to slap me, and then thought about PM-ing me. Inspiration can be found in the weirdest places.

And Drew. Always Drew. :-P ]

[A brief imaginary prologue as suggested by Drew follows, and has no actual relation to the story at hand.]

"Can't believe I'm doing this," the shadowy shape muttered to herself. "Can't believe I'm back here. This is just stupid. It's been what, six years? Six long, long, looooooong years." She drew the vowel out and then sighed. "And of course I couldn't pick the right place to plothole in, so I have to walk..."

"Halt! Declare yourself!" Legolas sprang into view from behind a tree, but failed completely to surprise the intruder.

"Oh, hey Legolas. Is Katie around?"

The elf froze, his unflappable expression clearly...well, flapped. "What know you of our company?" he demanded after a second to recover.

The visitor appeared not to hear him. "And Temnaur's not with you guys anymore, right? I think I remember that he bought it in the last chapter. Well, bought it in a good sense; he got to go back to his world."

Legolas took a step backwards and slowly raised the knife he had heretofore kept at his side. "You...you are the witch!"

She sighed shortly in irritability before stepping around Legolas towards the campfire that had been her original destination all along. He moved to bar her path, but his arm swept right through her as if she were a wraith.

Now Aragorn was jumping to his feet, followed by Gimli. "Stay, stranger!" Aragorn commanded, drawing his sword.

"Would you guys just relax? Here, if this will help..." The stranger shook off her outer garment so that the three of them could see she was dressed in an odd type of blue leggings and a thin undertunic of some kind that bore a picture of five strange multi-colored helmets.

"Look, see? Not from around here. I'm just looking for Katie."

A lump by the fire sat up suddenly; Boromir's cloak fell from over Katie's head and she stared at the newcomer through bleary eyes. "What?" Katie demanded fuzzily. "I've had over six years to get used to this, and I choose now to get some sleep, and you wake me up?"

There was a pause as the other woman considered those words. "Yup. Come on, we've got a chapter to do."

Katie peered up at her. Then she shrugged. "Okay."

The visitor nodded. "Great. See you later." She slung her coat over her arm and nodded to Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, who were staring between the two of them in complete and utter confusion. "Thanks guys. Good luck with the quest!"

Without a backwards glance, she vanished into the darkness. The three hunters turned their questioning gazes on Katie.

"Who was that, lass?" Gimli asked, easing his axe back into it's place on his belt.

"Hm? Oh. You'll find out," Katie said. "At least...I hope you will. If she can finish something."

FIN


End file.
